ADRENALINE or as I searched for perfect man
by Small-Clever-and-Terrible
Summary: Bonnie finally got a peaceful life, but now she doesn't like it. She misses adventures. What will she do? And how our favourite Damon can help her? I'm not good in writing summary. Just read please.
1. Chapter 1

Hey guys, that's my new one-shot about Bonnie and Damon. They're my favorite couple. Go, go, Bamon!) I don't know if it's making any sense, it just popped into my silly head)))) So just read and review. Yeah, and I'm really sorry if there is any grammar mistakes, I promise I will do my best.

And, oh, **I own nothing**.

**ADRENALINE**

**(or as I searched for perfect man)**

I entered the church. I didn't really want it, but it was only one way to face the truth. Besides they used to be my friends. I didn't dare to go far into the building. I was standing in the very end of the church. I saw my friends sitting on benches. They seemed to be happy. What was I doing here? Oh, yeah, proving my insignificance. It hurt to stand there. Breathing was hurting me, moving was hurting me. In fact, everything was hurting me. I decided to leave immediately, but couldn't make a single step, couldn't tear my eyes from him. And he was standing right there. In black tux he was even more beautiful then I remembered him. _Why everything has to be this way?_ I thought, a single tear escaped from my eye and was quickly dried by my white tremble hand. I wouldn't cry. I had told myself I wouldn't. But how not to cry, when everything, I ever wanted, everything, I ever dreamed, was breaking down and fading away?

There was when music began to play and everyone's heads turned to see the bride. I took a deep breath. _Here we go_, I thought.

Oh, you don't know anything, right. Okay, then. From the very beginning.

**PAST**

After all Stefan-things, I mean Stefan getting Elena back, Stefan missing, Stefan rescued by Elena, Damon and Matt, he had decided against coming back to Fell's Church and gone to Florence with Elena. I was slowly getting used to normal life. And I discovered it to be very boring thing. I missed Elena and Stefan terribly… and I even missed Damon. I had thought that Damon and I would be at least friends after all those damned-twins things. But no avail. When Stefan had been rescued, Elena had obviously stayed by his side. And no one had seen Damon since then.

My life became very quiet and peaceful. And for once I didn't like it. I missed something… Whom was I kidding? I missed adrenalin. I had tried everything. I even had dated with Matt. But it had been no good and we decided to stay friends. That's when Damon first showed up. I was reading some vampiric book and laughed wildly, he knocked into my window saying that he was led by sound of my wild, uncontrollable laughter. Half an hour later we both were on the floor crying with laugh and making sarcastic remarks about book and author. Then he visited me once more. And then once more. Then he used to visit me almost every evening. And that was what I needed. At first he scared the hell out of me, bringing me my long-awaited amount of adrenalin. Then, when I finally got used to him, we just talked. Hell, he did know how made me laugh, especially with his five centuries seasoned stories. Damon had changed in that no-see time. A lot. And I did like it. I could tell him about wherever happened in my life. And I did. And what was extremely not Damon-like – he told me about his life. Well, maybe he didn't tell me everything, but considering who Damon was, he told me _a lot_. I guess, that's when we became friends. I used to tell him about my dates and he laughed wildly while I was describing how guys tried to kiss me or something and how they turned crimson when I made same sarcastic comment. And once he almost did kill me with his "hunting story". He told me that some day he happened to hung out in one of many New-York's night club, looking for some pretty girl to eat – he winked to me at that – he had spotted some guy staring at him. Later that guy turned to be not quite a guy… but a gay. And he had chosen Damon as his sacrifice to endless love. Damon had done his best to escape maniac.

Damon helped me in my searching of a perfect guy. But once, after another uncounted failed date of mine, we decided that a perfect guy was Damon. But I told him I didn't want him right now. He looked pissed. I laughed at him, as always.

"Maybe I should get back with Matt…" I mused, hurting him with it even more. Not on purpose.

"Who? Mutt? You prefer Mutt over me?!" he nearly yelled. _Funny_.

"You're my friend." I explained simply.

"He's your friend too!"

"Sex ruins friendship, you know", I smiled at him. "And I don't want to ruin ours."

"You're so stupid, Bonnie McCullough!"

"What?! I'm stupid?!"

"Yes, you are" he said. "And stupid me to stay here" he added more to himself than to me.

And for the first time I felt something not friendly at all to Damon. In fact he pushed me. I had thought about him as dangerous creature of a night, a vampire. Then I had thought about him as my close, understanding friend. And now I thought about him as Damon-handsome man. No, not handsome, beautiful. Extremely beautiful, charming, free man. Had I been blind or what?! I wanted to kick myself hard. _Why I told him I think he's my friend? Stupid! Stupid! Stupid Bonnie!_ He probably saw guilt and regret in my eyes, he always told me he could read my thoughts my eyes. Anyway, the expression on his face became calmer at first and then he smiled. "I told you you're silly, didn't I?"

"Yeah, I know I am, I only hoped for otherwise" I sighed.

"And?" he raised one perfect brow.

"Hope's dead." I declaimed, he laughed.

In a week or so was our first kiss. We were sitting on my bed, talking, when our voices trailed off, we froze and then our lips met. Uncertain at first, like not knowing what to do, but then he crushed hungrily his lips on mine and I responded with just the same force and longing. Not long after was our first sex. Usually I didn't sleep with guy at our second day of dating, but it was Damon. Who could ever resist him? After two weeks there was more and more his stuff at my place – there he had left a shirt, a pair of jeans there. A few more weeks and he basically moved in with me, kind of.

Next week was pretty crazy. I didn't have any chances to get up from the bed. Living with Damon was simple enough and pleasant in a way… in many ways actually. I didn't even notice how much I got used to him. In a way I did love him, but I didn't understand how strong that love was until Stefan made him come to Florence to deal with some immediate case. Damon was gone for three weeks. I didn't know what to do in those damned three weeks. I missed him so much. In second day his absence I caught myself on sitting in the bed and inhaling his scent. And I really wanted to kick myself for acting that way. How could I let myself feel what I felt to him? He was a vampire. Even worse – he was Damon. Damon, who never stayed for too long with anybody, who didn't care about anyone and hated mortals. The thought, that I wasn't just anybody to him, I pushed away immediately. I knew if I would keep thinking that way it would hurt far more than necessary when he would finally dump my ass. I tried to do something, tried to distract me from thinking about him. I tried it only to fail miserably.

Just when I began to think he was never coming back from that damned Florence the door in my apartment flew open and he stepped in. We both froze for moment than, without a word, he made his way to me and kissed me passionately. That night he showed me how much he had missed me. I though my head was going to explode from all the thoughts and feelings. I thought I had a wonderful life. I thought he loved me. And he did. He did love me. I could feel it in every kiss, every touch of his. And he knew I loved him. I wish he didn't, but he knew.

Everything was going perfectly fine. Until Elena came. With the tears in her eyes she told us about her and Stefan's fight and said she needed to think. So she decided to stay here, in Fall's Church. Since then something went wrong. Damon wasn't quite himself. He became colder and started to drift away. I felt that an end was close. And it would be no happy end for me. Elena was a bitch, it was an unspoken statement, but she couldn't want to take Damon from me, could she? In a week I knew that Elena very well could. Elena thought hard and decided that Stefan was definitely great but not for her. Now she wanted my passionate Prince of Darkness. I didn't know what to think. I couldn't depend on Damon. He might love me, but that old unsatisfied thing for Elena still bothered him. So what would win?

Unsatisfied thing won.

Elena and Damon left my apartment with 'Sorry Bonnie' faces.

Five month later I got an invitation to their wedding ceremony. _They just don't waste time, do they?_

**PRESENT**

So now I was standing in the church watching a woman in long white dress going down the church to the man I had used to love. I stood there in trance – couldn't see them, couldn't look away. Fuck. That _did_hurt! I did an effort and closed my eyes. I wish I didn't. I saw the same church in my mind, the same people, and the same man beside the altar, waiting for… me? Yes. There I was – white dress, long veil, red hair. I had to open my eyes then and come back to reality. The two of them were beside the altar, facing each other. Then priest began to speak "Do you Damon Salvatore – blah-blah-blah – take Elena Gilbert – blah-blah- blah -" priest asked. Everything went silent and still. Slowly Damon turned his head and looked directly into my eyes. He knew I was there, he felt my presence. _Fuck! Damon, say 'no' and I will forgive and forget everything, we will go to the edge of the world and will be alone there_. I really didn't know if heard me, because I didn't know if I had said that to him or to myself. Still looking into my eyes, he sighed and smiled a sad smile. Then he turned his head to Elena, who seemed to get nervous. She was afraid… of me? Ha- ha, how funny. Damon closed his eyes and small quiet "I do" escaped from his lips. My heart broke. And pieces were so small that I would never mend them back. No one would.

I didn't have to see Elena's face lightened up, didn't need to hear her "I do", loud and excited. I didn't notice closing my eyes, but when I opened them ceremony was over. I saw Damon, looking at me again. But it was pointless now. Nothing mattered anymore. And never would as it used to once. I sent him "Be happy" mentally and made my way to exit.

What else could I do? At least I saved my pride. _But damn my pride, where's my heart?_ Maybe he had been waiting me to say something, to plead him about coming back. I hadn't done it. Maybe I should have. _Doesn't matter now._

I entered my hotel room. Did I tell their wedding was in Paris? No? Elena always loved France. How romantic! I was lying on the bed staring at white ceiling. My head was empty now like a big black vacuum. I forbid myself to think about Damon. And recently my every thought was about him. So I did my best in trying not to think at all. Failed. _What am I gonna do now? _Cry? No, pointless, again. Try to live like nothing happened? Ha-ha, impossible. Just then I heard someone knocked at my door. _It can't be, can it?_ No, Bonnie, that's not him – I told myself – get used to it. Slowly I made my way to the door. Deep breath. Door opened. Hope's dead. But still unexpected.

"Stefan? Well, come in" I said calmly. He did as told and stepped in.

"What, Bonnie? We're two broken freaks" he smiled sadly.

"Yeah, that's right." That was very, very, fucking right. "Great ceremony, isn't it?" I said with a mock excitement. "Today got marred your 'Angel' and my 'perfect man'" I sighed. That's sad indeed. And pathetic.

"Yeah. Did I tell we're freaks?"

"Yes, dear, you did."

And, oh, if you like it tell me (or if you dislike it). If you do like it I'll try to write more. But I do _not_ know where it's leading me. Just tell me)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Ok, guys, I wrote another piece of story. It's not the end yet, but I wanted to show you this. I want to know what do you think. I need to know. And I want to thank all people, who reviewed. And especially I want to thank that people who criticized me.)

And if there are some mistakes, tell me and I'll correct it.

A year. One year passed from event that crushed my and Stefan's worlds. One year passed from the wedding. Now I was supposed to describe that year and tell that I was pretty ok and that was over Damon. _But I wasn't_. Every single day thoughts about him tortured me. I did my best in trying to forget him and I always failed.

How was it? To get though that year? Damn. When I got home from wedding I was just numb. I didn't feel anything, didn't want anything, and didn't need anything. I ignored everything and everyone. I just broke up with the world. I knew what my friends were talking about me; they thought I closed into my deranged world. But they were wrong though. I didn't close into **my**world; I simply couldn't, because it was completely destroyed. I went through my daily routine without paying attention. I didn't live, I just existed.

Maybe I would go on living in that stage, but one shiny day Stefan came. What I saw was terrible. No, it was even worse than terrible. Stefan was miserable. He was even in worse stage then I was, though I thought it was impossible. I always knew that Stefan's soul was very vulnerable, always knew how kind-hearted he was. In fact, sometimes I thought he was too fragile for this world. He was lost between humans and vampires not being able to fit in with either of those. For vampire he was too kind, for human, well, too immortal. I knew he had thought he would never forget Katherine. And maybe he still carried some memories of her, but Elena had healed him. She had made him fall in love again, made him forgive his brother. And for what? Only to drop him and make his pain even worse. I knew myself how it felt. Damon had done the same to me. Except, maybe, I hadn't lost love of my whole life before meeting him. But he **had** made me love and feel. I was so sorry for Stefan that even forgot about my own inquisitions for instances.

Sometimes, when I looked at him I saw myself – broken and miserable. That's when I decided that that was it. I decided I need to go on, need to live. And, though I knew it would never be like it had been once, I at least had to try. If not for my sake that for Stefan's. I mean, I wanted to be strong to show him that it was not quite an end.

I needed something, some kind of new foundation or something. So I moved to NY. And I wasn't completely surprised when Stefan decided he wanted to go with me; now I was probably one person who **did** understand him, just staying by his side without trying to comfort him. The first thing I did after finding apartment and job was going to a bar and getting drunk. There I met some John guy. He was nice and, well, handsome. So we started going out. It lasted two weeks! It was pretty long for Past-Damon era, I had to admit. He was nice, but I couldn't do it. I found myself trying to get away from him so I don't have to feel him touching or/and kissing and everything. It was too hard. Too hurt. So I just dropped without much of explanation. But I refused to stop trying to find someone. Someone, who could make me feel a little bit better. I knew, no man could compete with Damon, but I had to do something, I had to move on, otherwise, if I stopped fighting I would freeze again and this time for good.

We, I and Stefan, lived pretty well. I didn't expect myself to be so… strong or what. I tried not to show Stefan how I really felt. I smiled and tried to joke. But I was pretty sure he heard my lonely night's sobs. I tried to cope with my feelings, but sometimes, when they were covering me with breathtaking waves, I had to cry, because I was afraid my heart wouldn't stand against that terrible pain in the middle of my chest and would simply stop. But in the morning I would get up and smile again.

So that's what our life was like – me, trying to find something to live for, and Stefan, trying to live. Though, I didn't expect, but he was getting better. He started to smile himself, but sorrow sill never left his beautiful green eyes. We probably became the closest friends. Every day I discovered something new in him, something, I had never thought was there. For example, I found out if he didn't want to do something, there was no way I could convince him to do it. And no matter how hard I tried to make him go on a date, he wouldn't agree. But it did _not_ mean I wouldn't succeed eventually.

I didn't hear a word about Elena or/and Damon since we had left Fell's Church. I was sure Meredith knew something, but she would never tell me. She was still afraid I could do something to myself like cutting my wrist or taking fatal dose of some pills. Why was I treated like that? Did they really think I was that stupid? I wasn't. I had never thought about killing myself, not when I had been standing in the church, watching him merry her, not when I had come back home, not feeling anything at all and not now, dying from understanding, that he would never come back, and felling Stefan's inquisitions in the very next room. I had no idea where **the couple** was or what they were doing. And I couldn't exactly say I cared much. So everything went still.

Until the morning when I was woken up by phone call.

"Yeah?" I said, fighting yawn.

"Hello, Bonnie, it's me, Meredith"

"Oh, hi, Mere. How's it going?"

"I'm just fine. Hey, I'm in airport now, don't you mind if I come to see you?" didn't get it.

"What? I mean where? Here? In New York?"

"Yep, right here. So how about me coming over to your place?"

'Yeah, sure" I told her my address and went to make Stefan happy.

"Stefan wake up!" I demanded pulling off his blanket.

"What? What are you doing?" he tried very hard to open his eyes and get what was going on.

"What-what? Meredith's coming" I said in semi-frustrated tone.

"When?" He finally started to wake up.

"In an hour or so. Wake up and get ready" on that I left the room to prepare myself for it.

I knew what was coming. She couldn't just by case come here and see me at one. No, she was going to check on us, if we were still alive. Oh, how I hated Meredith's smart brains! She knew if she called me from Fell's Church I would find some reason why she couldn't come here. But no! She had to call from airport and I had no chance to avoid the soulful reunion.

Three of us were sitting in my, well, our, living room, sipping coffee. Meredith was describing the year that I had missed. As it was expected, there weren't a lot of changes – Caroline was, well, Caroline, Meredith was still dating Alaric, Matt had moved to bigger town, still practicing his football, and **the couple** was around the world. Then Meredith did something that put me on my guard – she placed her cup on the table and looked very seriously. _Oh, god, no, please, let me live through this day without soulful talks._I prayed mentally, but I knew that look on her face. She took a deep breath and…

"I'm getting married" she proclaimed. I jumped from my chair and rushed toward her for hug.

"At last! I'm so happy for you." I felt my eyes filling with tears.

"My congratulations." Stefan smiled simply, but sincere.

"So I'm here to give you invitations to our wedding" Meredith continued.

Invitations? God. _Does that mean I have to came back to that damn town? To face everybody? To face__**him**__?_ I walked right into What I had been avoiding or a year now and hoped I would keep it that way for the rest of my life. How could I go there? How could I face Elena and Damon without losing my mind and going completely insane? Instantly I knew I wasn't going there. I would send flowers, presents everything, but I would not go there. Oh, I'd send them Stefan! I looked at his hopefully. He had that miserable look on his face again. _We're not going there, are we?_ He asked me in my mind. I looked I Meredith, thinking of a good reason to skip all this. But when I saw her, my hear began to ache. I saw her face, her pleading eyes. How could I be so selfish? If it were my wedding, wouldn't I want Meredith to be there? Gosh, I was about to ruin **her** day! What a bitch I am! _We're very going, Stefan. We'll show all of them we're rock!_ I replied firmly to him. And then to Meredith –

"Ok, Meredith, we will be there."

"Yeah?" she said a little unsure. I gave Stefan what was meant to be 'there's nothing you can do to skip this' look. He sighed and nodded.

"Yeah" he said.

All, that I and Stefan had just done, was worse to do just to see the look on Meredith's face. I couldn't remember seen her that happy. She hugged us and I saw tears in her eyes. Oh, my God.

"Thank you, guy. It means a lot to me" she said in happy voice.

"What else are friends for?" I smiled.

Meredith had gone about an hour ago and I was still sitting in the living room, helplessly staring on Stefan.

"It will be funny…" I tried.

"Oh, yes. I'm sure it will." Expression on Stefan's face was like he had eaten a pretty big lemon all by himself.

"Fuck, Stefan. In what we have walked smack?"

"I have **no** idea."

Wedding was in three weeks. _Get yourself ready, McCullough._

So please, please tell me what do you think about it.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N So this is another peace. I wanted to post it so much and mistakes are possible. Sorry about that) Thank you, thank those who reviewed, or added to favorites, or read at all. It really means a lot to me. So keep reading and reviewing!)**

We were in Stefan's car and almost in Fell's Church. I still couldn't believe we were going there. But Meredith was my friend, one of the closest, and I had to do it for her. I looked at Stefan. Corners of his lips were turned down and his usually bright green eyes became a lot darker. I hated seeing him like that, I hated when he suffered like that. Why everything had to be so complicated? I turned my head to the window trying to hold back tears that suddenly filled my eyes. I didn't know why I wanted to cry now. Maybe because I was doing something I didn't want to do. Maybe because of realization that I would have to keep myself from crying for a week. Or maybe just because I knew I wouldn't be able to fight myself and I would want him so badly again at the sight of him. It was killing me – understanding that I was so weak, that I couldn't change the way I felt about him, couldn't fight him, and couldn't fight myself. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself.

"That's ok, Bonnie. We will do it." Stefan put his hand on my shoulder. _Oh, God, I'm miserable_.

"I know. It's just…" I trailed off. "I don't want to go there!" I felt like a little difficult child with a frown on my face and my hands crossed over my chest. Stefan laughed at me.

"I thought you were the one who made us left NY."

"_Because of Meredith_. You know it. I couldn't ruin her day. You saw yourself how much she wanted us to be there."

"Yeah. That's why I didn't kill you when you said we were going."

"Oh, I thought it was because you love me and you life will be pathetic without me." I raised one brow.

"That was the second reason." I laughed in spite of myself. It seemed he was getting better, if he could joke.

The car stopped in front of boarding house. I saw Mrs. Flowers coming in our direction. She was smiling - both mouth and eyes, so I figured out she was really glad to see us. We greeted each other and she led us to our room. Wait. Room? One room? Gosh, Meredith must have misunderstood something while visiting us she had never asked but…. Mind note – tell Mrs. Flowers to give us one more room;

But for now we just entered the room and sat down on a bed. I looked helplessly at Stefan and he returned me the look with a sigh. With a huge sigh I stood up from the bed and leaving my bags unpacked went to the courtyard. I needed fresh air and I needed to think. After making about five circles around courtyard I finally stopped and sat down on the grass. I sat there my chin on my knees looking straight in front of me thinking. I didn't know how I was going to make it through this week. I wasn't sure I would. I knew it would take all of my self-control to hold myself here and not just give it all up and go home before the wedding.

"Bonnie?" I heard a voice calling my name. I looked up just to see tall, slender blond in front of me.

"Elena" I responded getting off of the grass.

"Bonnie I… I…" she tried. She was looking at anything but me.

"It's ok, Elena"

"Is it?" she finally looked at me. Was it? Of cause not! But she would never know it. I would never let her know how I felt. I was strong, independent woman; at least I tried to be that way. And I didn't want her to know what was happening in my chest right now and how my heart ached.

"Listen, Elena, Damon and I… we were just killing time, we… there was nothing serious between us. I just needed… something and he was there and…"

"You hate me?" It was a half statement.

"No, I don't hate you. Did you hear what I just told you?"

"I heard, but…"

"Shut up, Elena. I told you I didn't hate you, I told you my and Damon's relationship was nothing. And now I'm telling you to shut up and stop trying to ruin my peaceful mood"

"So you are not angry with me?" she made puppy eyes.

"Elena." I growled. She smiled. She was about to tell something more, but I had feeling that if she told at least a word more I would kill one of us. "Um, Elena, I have to go, I haven't unpacked my stuff yet so…"

"Yeah, that's right." I turned to go but she caught my hand. "Bonnie, I hope you're in for the dinner?" she asked.

"Dinner?"

"Hasn't Mrs. Flowers told you? Anyway, at 7 you have to be in the dinning room."

"Me or …"

"You and Stefan, of cause"

"Okay." On that I left. Dinner. Just to make my day even better. I went up stairs to tell Stefan the 'great' news about dinner. I was about to enter our room when I heard voices. Low and quiet was Stefan's, and sarcastic and mocking was… yep, there he was. _Damon_, I thought longingly. What could he probably want from Stefan now? I came closer to the door. _Oh, it's not closed!_ _Hehehe._I laughed darkly to myself trying to peep in. And, yes, there they were. _Oh, shit. I don't like that look on Stefan's face._ And just then I heard something that made me very, very angry.

"So, you and Bonnie? Huh, little brother?" What? How could he? _What the fuck do you want from Stefan?!_

"And that's not any of you business." I said, drawling, while stepping into the room. Seeing Damon's shocked, open-mouthed expression was surprisingly pleasant. Stefan shot me a suspicious look at first, but then a realization hit him and he smiled.

"Yes, Damon, what is it to you?" Stefan acted his role perfectly. Damon tore his gaze away from me to look at Stefan. He opened him mouth to say something and shut it again. Oh, I was gloating inside.

"Um, Damon, we haven't unpacked yet, so… ", I said. He didn't move just looked at me in disbelief. I felt him trying to break through my shields and read my thoughts. Aw, that's… annoying and pointless. I was better than that. Did he really think I would let him into my head? _Stefan._ I whimpered with my mind to him.

"Damon, I think you should leave now." He said firmly. Damon glanced from Stefan to me once more and jerked to the door without a word. Before the door even shut completely I burst out in laughter, hitting floor. Stefan looked at me wary.

"D- hahaha- did you - haha" I tried to force myself to speak. "Did you see his face?" I was breathing deeply trying to calm myself down. Stefan blinked and began laughing himself causing me to give up on breathing and start all over again. I lay down on the floor and Stefan sat beside me. _You're quick to grasp, huh?_ I sent him mentally. _You're about…?_ He asked. _Yeah. I didn't expect you to say anything, you know._

"Why?" he asked out loud.

"I don't know. I just didn't expect." I shrugged. "Oh, and thanks for saving me from mind-scanning." I tapped my forehead with an index finger, smiling.

"You're welcome." He smiled back. Room became silent. But it wasn't an awkward silence, it was peaceful one. I liked being silent with Stefan. He was kind of person with whom you didn't need to speak a lot, he understood me without words; just like earlier while our little performance. I really did not expect him to act that way. But he had changed a lot. He wasn't as … as … as Stefan-like, he became more immune to others, his brother included. So did I. I had thought as soon as I see Damon I'd break down crying, screaming, something. Instead I had laughed to tears. That was strange. I was feeling strange. I was feeling better after I had seen him. At first I thought it was because I finally had **seen** him, but… but then I over thought it and figured out that it was because of me. Because I had talked to Elena and hadn't failed, because I when I had caught sign of Damon I didn't want to cry, I wanted to kill him, and finally because smile was still playing on my lips… and on Stefan's. _We did it!_ I thought to myself. Stefan was about to get up when I remembered what Elena had said.

"Stefan, guess what." I teased him. He stopped and looked at me.

"What?" He said raising a brow.

"The honor fell on us." I proclaimed in solemn voice. He squinted his eyes on me. I laughed. "We are invited to dinner!" I exclaimed in fake happy voice.

"Help me, God" he prayed

When I unpacked my stuff, at last, came time to prepare myself for that goddamn dinner. I showered and washed my hair. Now standing in a towel, I was deciding what to wear. At first I shot a glance to cute black dress, but than I decided that it wasn't a festival for me today; so stopped on skinny dark blue jeans and simple loose white T-shirt. Stefan was out the whole time when I was showering and dressing. He probably went to forest to have something to eat. I sighed. It was easier with somebody by your side, somebody who wouldn't let you think. When I was thinking I began to feel extremely sorry for myself. I sat down on the bed waiting for Stefan to come; I didn't want to go there alone. Well, I didn't want to go there at all, but what could I do?

"Bonnie, Bonnie" what? I looked up.

"Stefan?"

"No, Mickey Mouse. Of cause it's me. Are you daydreaming?" He raised one brow sarcastically.

"Yeah, and in my dream I'm sleeping, not eating there, **sleeping**." He smiled. "Speaking about sleeping, did you tell Mrs. Flowers to give us one more room?" I added.

"Room? Why?" I looked at him with disbelief. Was he that naïve?

"Stefan, there is **one** room, with **one**bed. Not that I object living here with you, but…"

"But they think we're together." He pointed out.

"But we're not." My turn to point out obvious.

"But I want them to be jealous." He said slowly.

"Who are you? And what did you do to Stefan, you little revengeful thing?" I cried out in fake-scared voice. He laughed, but then looked at me with serious eyes.

"Really, Bonnie, don't you want it? Don't you want to them to feel what you felt?" He teased me. Did I want them to feel that way? Would they feel that way at all? Why would they? Damon had gotten what he had been seeking; Elena had gotten what she had wanted too. So why would they be jealous? _Because_ _no one really gets over anybody completely_. A little voice inside me said. So did I want them to …? I bit my lip. Of cause I wanted.

"Well…" I couldn't end my sentence. "Maybe…"

"I knew it!"

"Ok, Stefan, but without perversions." I warned.

"As you wish."

"Come and put an end to this circus. They must wait for us already."

I was sitting at the table, trying to pay attention to my plate and not to the man sitting in front of me. All of us were there – besides me and Stefan – Meredith and Alaric, Damon and Elena, Mrs. Flowers, and even, Caroline. I didn't expect her to be there. The whole dinner ceremony was more then a little awkward. If it wasn't for Meredith, we would probably just sit in silence, but she was saving the situation asking us about work, life, and last year at all. I answered as politely as I could, but I didn't try to keep up the conversation, neither did Stefan. We were almost done, when I felt that again. Damon was trying to read my thoughts. I had two problems: first – not to let him in; second – why the fuck he was doing it? I decided straight asking about it would kill two problems at once.

"Would you please stop doing that, it's pretty annoying, you know." Everybody looked at me, then, seeing that my eyes were on Damon, looked at him. So there we were – all of us looking on Damon, and Damon looking on me. And it seemed he was ready to kill me, which meant he did translate my question into 'stop trying to read my thoughts'.

"Doing what?" He asked through clenched teeth.

"Champing" I deadpanned. Everybody laughed. Except Stefan. _He will kill you_. I heard Stefan in my mind. I sighed looking at my plate again. Of cause he would, but it was totally worth it.

I excused myself, not waiting for the end of the dinner. I fell on the bed. _One day done, __six more to go. But for now I have to sleep. It will be ok, I will make through these six days._ On that I fell asleep.

**It was supposed to be sad one-shoot** **about unhappy love, and look what you made me do with it! AAAAh! But, ok) And please, please review, coz I write for you, and I have to know what you think about it. And your reviews mean world to me) thanks**


	4. Chapter 4

**Ok, so here we are. Next piece. I really tried to stop myself, but I couldn't help but wrote this from Damon's POV. So read and review, as always.**

Damon's POV.

I heard the sound of car stopping in front of the house. Then I watched as Mrs. Flowers went out to meet them. I couldn't believe it when she led them into their room. I couldn't believe they shared one room. No, they couldn't be together. How could they? My pathetic little brother and my Bonnie… no, just Bonnie. She used to be 'my Bonnie' once. But she wasn't anymore. Now someone else called her 'my Bonnie'. Likely that someone was my brother. It seemed we just swept places with him. Me and Elena. Stefan and Bonnie. But who was I kidding? **That** was impossible. Even if my little brother decided to go on and date somebody again, I knew Bonnie. She would never date - or worse – live with – somebody like my brother. Somebody so stupid, miserable, troublesome. She was better than that. I heard sound of door closing and Bonnie's light footsteps in the carpeted hallway. _Should I go there and say hi? Or should I wait till the dinner? What should I do now? And where the fuck is Elena?_ I left my room without noticing, and now, standing in the hallway, I was staring at the wooden door of their room. I knew she wasn't there, I could feel her Presence somewhere outside. Porch? Courtyard? I opened the door and stepped inside. Room was empty. But Stefan hadn't left it, so… I heard the sound of running water. Aha, shower. I sat on a bed, deciding to wait for him. My patient lasted exactly two minutes. I got up and made a step toward the door. But then again, what would I do in my room? I searched for Elena's Presence, not finding her in the house. And somehow I doubted I wanted to hang out with Meredith or Alaric. So my brother was only acceptable alternative. At least, I could've laughed at him. While I was thinking over my options, the water seemed to stop running. Turning my back to the door, I found myself staring into Stefan's eyes.

"Why, hello, little brother."

"What are you doing here?"

"Ouch. Don't act like you're not glad to see me?" I flashed him my brilliant smile. He crossed his arms over his chest.

"What are you doing here?" He asked again. _Oh, how can one be soooo annoying?_

"Well, if you don't know, I'll tell you. A friend of mine is getting…"

"Who?" He interrupted me, raising his brows. "A _friend_ of yours? You. Have. Friends?" Wanna be smart?

"Yeah, I even have a wife." He shut his mouth and looked down. Five centuries! It had been five centuries now and he had yet to realized that I was far smarter then him. So, now, one final effort and he would be completely destroyed. What would be it? _Oh, let's kill curiosity and Stefan in one shot._

"So, you and Bonnie? Huh, little brother?" _Yeah, that's it._ He opened him mouth, looking paler then before.

"And that's not any of your business." A voice came from behind me. I turned around already knowing who I would see. There she was, standing in front of me with killer look on her face. That was unexpected. I couldn't even think about any sarcastic remark. I just stared at her. I didn't want to even to image what my face looked like at the moment.

"Yes, Damon, what is it to you?" _What? Shut up, Stefan. Think, Damon, think! Say something!_ I glared at Stefan with all hatred I could possibly fit into my eyes.

"Um, Damon, we haven't unpacked yet, so… ", she caught my attention again. What the hell did she think she was doing? Oh, yeah, stupid me; I **could** actually know what she was thinking. To know that I needed just… just… fuck! She was blocking me. I tried again. Nothing. She glanced at Stefan, as if having a silent conversation.

"Damon, I think you should leave now." Stefan said, trying to sound firmly. I looked from Bonnie to him. In all honesty, at that point I just wanted to run to the damned door and out of the room and this awkward, embarrassing conversation.

But once I was out I heard her laughing. Really, laughing! No screaming, no crying – she was in a fucking fit of laughter! I wanted to kill somebody. In whole my existence I couldn't remember been so embarrassed. I burst into our room, pale-skinned and breathing hard. Why was I even thinking about them? Way was I thinking about her? _I really don't care_. I was here only because of Elena, because she wanted to be on this fucking wedding, because I wanted to make her happy. _What is wrong with you?__What the fuck are you doing?_

Our room's door creaked open slowly. I stopped breathing. Then familiar blond head showed itself from the door and I let out breath.

"Where were you?" I demanded.

"Went outside for some air. Why?" She looked at me concerned. "Is something wrong?"

"No, everything's fine." Elena walked to me and placed her hands around my waist hugging me. I returned the hug. "By the way, how are you going to settle the Bonnie-problem?" I tried very hard, but I couldn't help asking that.

"What Bonnie-problem?" God, sometimes Elena acted like a blond she was. I looked at her trying to express with my eyes what I was thinking. "Oh, that." She looked down. "We have already sorted everything out"

"You what?" I asked terrified suddenly, though I didn't know why.

"I talked to her."

"And what did she say?"

"Well, she said it was ok. She said she didn't care, coz your relationship was nothing, and that you were just killing time and…" Elena trailed off.

"She said it was nothing?" I choked out.

"Exactly like that." I knew I was hurting Elena with my reaction right now, but I didn't care much. "Damon" she looked me in the eye "I believe, she really meant what she said. She seemed so confident. I think she really doesn't care." Did she know she was pushing me? Something in her eyes told me she did. But her words. Her words meant that Bonnie didn't give a rat's ass about what was between us. She thought it was nothing. My mouth felt dry and I choked again. For me it was… something. Something, but definitely not _nothing_.

Elena wasn't the real reason why I had left Bonnie. Elena was an occasion to leave. Why I had left… Gosh, it was Bonnie, our little Bonnie, who had had such an effect on me, with whom, it seemed, I could've spent my forever. And it scared me shitless. I couldn't afford tying myself to her. It was too much for me. _She_ was too much. When Stefan had summoned me to Florence, I had almost stayed there. I had decided I wouldn't come back. I had endured the torture for two weeks. And every day of those damned weeks I _craved_ her. I had thought I would give it all up and fly to my Bonnie. Which I had eventually done.

But then Elena had showed up. She had practically proposed herself to me. And she… Elena was like everything I had ever wanted in one vial. She was smart, brave, she had resisted me for so long, it had made me want her even more. She was a light in my darkness. And, besides, she was Katherine's reincarnation. Yes, Katherine had turned out to be a bitch, but that didn't mean she was that easy to forget. I had carried her in my heart for five hundred years! I had loved her. At least I thought I had. And one more small detail – Elena was Stefan's.

So I had left. I escaped from Bonnie, meanly using Elena's proposition.

And now I was finding out that it was nothing to Bonnie.

I tried to move, something held me in place. I looked down and saw Elena, still hugging me. _Just what I need._ I bent down and kissed her with all mix of feelings that were boiling inside me. She kissed me back while I was backing to our bed.

We were all sitting at the table. Others were talking but I paid no attention to them. All my concentration was on the red-haired demon of mine. She wasn't looking at me, she acted as if I wasn't there at all. In fact, she wasn't looking at anything but her plate, very rarely giving a short glance Stefan or Meredith if she was asked something. Elena was a good distraction, but I still couldn't stop thinking about Bonnie's words. I had to know what she was thinking. She would probably block me, but if I make it a little bit intensive… a little…

"Would you please stop doing that?" Everybody looked at me. Did she lose her mind? _Compose yourself, Damon!_

"Doing what?" I asked through the clenched teeth.

"Champing." She smiled. You want to play games, little bitch? I'll show you games. Everybody was laughing now. Except Stefan. He looked at her concerned, she only smiled back. She was obviously enjoying herself.

She excused herself a few minutes later. I watched her walking out of the room, and thought of the ways to murder her. The rest of the dinner went without any adventures. After it was done I went to our room with, what I was sure was deadly look on my face. I was standing by the window when Elena came. She went silently to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"I'm going hunting. Don't wait for me." I said without turning and jumped out of the window.

It was 8 a.m. and I was coming back from the hunting. I was in the hallway when I saw Bonnie walking in a direction to the stairs. One moment I saw her, next – moving with inhuman speed, I was pressing her into a wall with my hand on her throat. It wouldn't hurt her, but it **would** be enough to scare her. She watched me with huge, frightened eyes as I lowered my head and began to murmur into her ear.

"My, my, Bonnie, you have to know better than piss me off. You do know how easily I can break you lovely neck, don't you? And if you try something like that again, it will be _exactly_ what I'll do. Understand?" I pulled back to look at her. Her face was mask of hatred and pain. She didn't reply.

"Do you understand?" I repeated. She shuddered and threw my hand off of her throat, using all her force.

"Go to hell!" She screamed. "Go to hell, Damon, and never come back!"

She walked slowly to her room, keeping close to the wall in case she would fall down. Before the door closed behind her, I heard her let out muffled hysterical sob. That sob was the sound that would chase me until my death. I stood in the hallway, unable to move myself. I couldn't believe that I actually had done that.

Then her door suddenly flew open and I saw angry, deadly-looking Stefan. He walked toward me, stopping when he was right in front me. He waited another minute looking into my eyes silently. And then his fist collided with my jaw. I was about to kill Stefan when I looked over his shoulder and saw Bonnie. On the floor. She laid there like a broken doll. Just sometimes mute sobs shook her tiny body. I watched her open-mouthed.

"If you ever, ever hurt her again, I will kill you, I swear I will." I was in so many times stronger than Stefan was. I could kill him right there, right then. But for some reason after seeing Bonnie like that, I wanted to die myself.

I was alone in the hallway. I didn't know haw long I stayed there after Stefan had gone; I didn't know when he had gone. Someone was tapping on my shoulder.

"Damon, Damon, Daaamoon." I turned my head and saw Elena. "Damon, let's go. Matt arrived, we have to say hi." I let Elena lead me whatever she wanted. Though I didn't know where it was until I found myself sitting on a couch in the living room. I stared at some spot, without thinking.

"Where's Bonnie?" I heard Mutt asking.

"Upstairs. She's not feeling good." Stefan? How long had I been in a vacuum?

"Oh" Mutt said. "So, when's she coming down?"

"I don't know. Maybe later" Stefan replied. I caught Meredith looking at me angrily.

But I hadn't hurt her, had I? No, I couldn't. I hadn't pushed very hard… just to scare her… God, what had I done? I stood up and walked out of house, ignoring Elena's displeased 'Damon!' I needed to think. For once I needed to _really_ think.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Here. I updated one more piece. Mistakes are possible, I'll correct later. So, read and tell me what you think about it.**

Damon's POV

I didn't run, didn't fly, I just walked. With my eyes on a ground, I didn't really see where I was going until I found myself in the middle of a clearing. The same clearing where we had fight Klaus, where Elena had come back to this world, where I had been invited to join their little human club. This place held too many memories. Memories of all that had happened in my past almost caused real physical pain. Too many terrible things had happened. And most of them I had done myself. I liked being a bad guy. I liked mocking others. I liked making some of them suffer.

But it wasn't the case. I hated myself for hurting Bonnie. She didn't deserve that. Well, maybe she did a little. But still, I shouldn't have done that. But I was confused. She had that capability to confuse me. I hadn't expected what I had seen. I wasn't sure what exactly I had expected, but I had thought she would be at least upset. And instead, I saw her laughing, smiling, full of peace, fearless. Maybe she even was happy.

And I didn't understand myself or why I felt that way. I loved Elena. I was happy with her. Well, I tried to be happy. Elena was great; she was all I had ever wanted. She really was. But because of some odd, fucking reason I didn't feel right. I felt like I had lost piece of me. And the fact, that I knew where exactly I had lost it, was killing me. I had stopped feeling complete the day I walked out of that small apartment in Fell's Church one year ago. Though, mostly I refused to admit it even to myself.

By this time Elena should have been vampire for… for a long time. But she was still human. I didn't quite understand why I hadn't turned her yet. I just hadn't asked her; she hadn't pushed me to that. But I had a feeling, if I did ask her, she would say yes. Why I hadn't done it yet? First – I wasn't sure what Elena wanted for eternity: me or her beauty. Second – how could I tell I would love her forever? That was funny, indeed. I had fought for her so hard, ready to kill Stefan, and now I wasn't sure I would want her after a couple of years.

Really, what was I doing? Why did I think Elena was worth spending eternity with her, binding myself to her and Bonnie wasn't? Why was I so afraid to be with her? Why was I afraid to lose myself in Bonnie? Especially when I had already lost all I only could. And it all was because her. I had been stupid then and I was now. There was no coming back. Even if I would break myself, if I would leave Elena… if if if. _Bonnie will never forgive you. Not after today._ Why had I come to this fucking wedding? If I hadn't, I wouldn't have even been thinking about Bonnie. Whom was I kidding? Of course I would've been thinking about her.

I didn't notice as it got was dark now. It reminded me I had to feed. And wood wasn't the place where I wanted to do it. I went to a bar to find some snack. I did find it. Moreover, I found a pretty big bottle of tequila and dried it myself. I wasn't drunk, of cause I wasn't – I'm a vampire! – but I felt better now. It helped to dispel heavy thoughts. I left the bar and went to boarding house.

Bonnie's POV

I woke up in a bed. I couldn't remember how I had gotten there and why I had been sleeping. All I could think of was a terrible headache I was currently having. But still, how…? I had been going to the kitchen and …oh… I closed my eyes again. Damon was a bitch. Why was he doing this to me? What had I done that made him act like that? I could remember the sequence of my feelings. Butterflies in my stomach, when I had seen him standing in the hallway. Terror, when he had pinned me against a wall. Then helplessness. Then anger. Then indifference.

After he had let go of me, my vision had become a blur. Next thing I had seen was sign of Stefan lying on the bed. Then I had been lying on the floor. A sound of my name been called out had come to me like through a wall of water. No memories after that.

I heard the door being open and saw Stefan coming toward me.

"How are you?" he asked concerned.

"Honesty? I've been better." I smiled a little smile.

"Bonnie…"

"What?" I sighed.

"I'm not letting you out of my sign till the end of this week." Did he really mean it?

"Stefan, he won't kill me." I was sure my face was as flat as my voice while saying that.

"You think?'

"Well, he can, of course, but I don't think he will. If he wanted me dead, I would be already." I explained.

"Very cheerful." He mocked. "Here, I brought you aspirin."

"Yeah, thanks."

I went to bathroom. I had heard Matt was supposed to come today. And I really missed him. He used to be my friend, then my lover, then friend again. Maybe it was a wrong thing to leave Matt. Because, really, I could've married him then and had plenty of children by this time. And I could've been if not happy then satisfied at least. But instead, I had chosen hunting a ghost of some unnatural passion, some unreachable love. I was stupid indeed.

The saddest part about today was that Damon had threatened Stefan, Elena, Matt, but not me. I had never been the one, hadn't been threatened by him. Until today. _Welcome to the club, Bonnie._

I stood in the bathroom, staring at the mirror. I saw a sad, tired woman there. _No, I wasn't that miserable!_ I frowned. I was strong. And I would show them I wasn't that easy to break. The thing was that to my friends, to everybody, I was Bonnie-pixie, Bonnie who always giggled, Bonnie without problems. No one wanted to see sad, broken me. No one wanted to look into my eyes and see sorrow there. Thanks God, I had Stefan, who understood and supported me.

I walked into living room. Everybody turned their heads in my direction.

"Hi, guys" I smiled to them. Noticing Damon wasn't there, I let out breath of relief. His absence was definitely a good thing. Because if the had been there now, I would've tried to either cry or kill him.

"Bonnie!" Matt exclaimed and rushed to hug me.

"Yeah, good to see you, Matt." I said quietly, hugging him back.

"And there I thought I wouldn't see you today." He complained, looking at me suspiciously. _What did Stefan tell them?_

"Yeah" I nodded. "But I'm here."

I was sitting on the couch, Stefan was beside me, doing exactly what he had said – keeping an eye on me. I giggled.

"What?" he asked me in a low voice.

"Nothing" I whispered back. "You're just fanny." He raised a brow at that.

_Dreadful, vindictive vampire is fanny to you?_ He asked me in my head. I couldn't help but laugh.

"There's something missing in the picture, though." I told him.

"What?"

"Black glasses and an earphone. Just perfect James Bond" I whispered, choking with laughter.

"Ha ha" he rolled his eyes.

We were talking. And this time I was a part of conversation. I answered and asked questions, I smiled. And it was sincere. Sometimes, however, I caught Elena's glaring at me or Stefan. Though she was smiling, I saw anger in her eyes. Wasn't she a bitch? Why the fuck she was looking at us now with all that anger? _You got what you wanted. But you want it all, don't you,_ I thought. Yes, she wanted whole world at her feet. Now she and Katherine were so much alike. Now Elena wasn't just look like Katherine, she acted like Katherine. But that made thought me about Katherine. _What did she want?_She had wanted both brothers, hadn't she? Then… did Elena want both brothers? And if she did, why had she left Stefan? _That must be thought trough_. I excused and went to backyard. I stood there, inhaling night's air of Fell's Church.

"How are you?" I turned around and found myself looking into Stefan's green eyes.

"You're not going to leave me alone, are you?"

"Nope, not at all." I sighed and shook my head.

"Stefan, calm down. Nothing's gonna happen to me. Even if you leave me on my own for thirty minutes. Really." He came close and hugged me. I hugged him back and sighed.

"Stefan, seriously, I need to think. Thirty minutes and I'll be upstairs." I said into his shoulder. He pulled back and looked at me narrowing his eyes. "Pleeease."

"Ok. Thirty minutes. If you're not upstairs in thirty minutes, I'll come and drag you there." I smiled and nodded. And he was gone.

I felt like I was a heroine of some soap opera. I did appreciate Stefan's care, but sometimes I needed time on my own. To think or not to think at all, to cry or to laugh, anything - just me. I didn't need it often, but today was the day. So. What had I been thinking about? Oh, yeah, Elena acted like… I heard light footsteps behind me.

"Are there thirty minutes already?"

"There is a year already." I jumped at the voice.

"What do you want?" I said coldly, now facing Damon.

"Ahh, Bonnie, stop pretending. You know I know you're happy to see me." He mocked. I looked. Our eyes met.

"Didn't I tell you to go to hell?" He smirked and walked to me that we were just inches apart. Looking me in the eye, he put a hand on the back of my neck. I closed my eyes. Maybe, I shouldn't have been so sure about he-won't-kill-me declarations. Maybe he would. Right now. And Stefan was right, I shouldn't have asked him to leave me here alone.

Grip on my neck tightened. _Ok, that's my time to leave this world. Wonder what Elena will say._ I felt his breath on my face and I was not brave enough to open my eyes. His nose touched my cheek and seconds later I felt him on my lips. I froze. My heart broke and mended back in less then a second. He brushed my lips with his and I returned the kiss. My legs weakened and, with his arm still on my neck, he placed another one on my back, supporting me, holding me close to him. I felt him shuddering with delight, when I slipped my hand into his hair. It was so good, to be in his arms again. Painful good. Pain… that reminded something. _Damn! What are you doing? Hadn't he hurt you?_ He had married my best friend. He. Had. Left. Me!

Suddenly I became very angry. Who the fuck did he think he was? Doing all that, and then coming here, thinking I would give myself to him? Really? I pushed him away from me.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I demanded. He smirked at me. He smirked at me?! I slapped his smirking face as hard as I only could, and began walking away. He caught my wrist, pulling me back to him. Now I was really pissed off. I gathered all my Powers and looked him in the eye. His face twisted with pain as I was staring into his now dilated pupils. He let go of my wrist immediately.

"Unexpected, isn't it?" I mocked. Then turned away and made my way to the house.

**I am not native English speaker, so appreciate it when you tell me where my mistakes are. Please review, it means a lot for me. And if something doesn't make sense, then I missed a word while tapping it))) tell me if something's wrong.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, guys, that's another one piece. Huge thanks to all the people who reviewed the story, who added it to alert/fav list. Thank you, you're the reason why I'm still writing it.)**

Bonnie's POV

I bursted into the bedroom, all red and furious.

"Bonnie, you're… What's wrong?" Stefan exclaimed when upon seeing my face.

"He kissed me! He fucking **kissed** me!"

"What? He did what?" Stefan seemed just as angry as I was. My breathing was uneven and angry tears filled my eyes. "I'll kill him" he threatened.

"Oh, that's taken care of."

"W- What do you mean?" he asked suddenly frightened. "You didn't kill him, did you?"

"Mentally" I smiled in spite of myself. "I mean, I used one of these mind tricks – concentrate, look in the eye, cause pain…" I explained in low voice.

"Did you?" Stefan raised a brow.

"Yeah" I was calming down slowly. But still, my blood was boiling. I breathed deeply in trying to stop shaking. But tears were streaming down without my knowing. Stefan put a hand around my shoulders.

"It's ok, Bonnie. Stop crying. It's ok." I nodded and he dried my tears with his fingers.

I sat on the bed, still sobbing occasionally. Stefan made a circle around the room. Then stepping in front of me, he smiled unexpectedly.

"You know what? Get up, take you purse and follow me." He ordered. I gave him a weird look. "Get your ass off of the bed and follow me. I'm taking you out."

I was sitting in the bar and I still couldn't believe Stefan had made me do that. I felt so strange. One thing was suffer with Stefan, and completely another – getting drunk with him. I didn't expect Stefan to drink that much and I definitely didn't expect him to get drunk. It was the first time I saw him like that. I myself got drunk and giggled all the time. I felt dizzy and everything was so friendly. That's when I heard the music. I grabbed Stefan's hand and drag him to the dance floor.

I hadn't felt that way for a long time now. Since Damon had left I had been just going through my life doing things without paying attention, without interest, and now it was like I was waking up. I wanted to have fun, I wanted to dance. So I just followed the music. I forgot who I was, where I was, what had happened in my life. I was just a woman who was dancing with ridiculously hot guy. Because, who could deny it – Stefan **was** hot.

We danced and danced what seemed for hours, till my feet refused to do it any longer.

Sun shone into my window, waking me up. I opened my eyes, observing the room. No sign of Stefan. _Wondering where he slept tonight._ I got up and dressed up for breakfast. I found whole _crowd_ except Stefan in the kitchen. Everyone looked at me when I entered the room. There was something in their looks… For instance Meredith was happy. Alaric, well, Alaric was staring at his plate. Caroline flashed me a knowing smile. Matt turned red. Elena looked as if she was ready to kill me. And Damon was strange. He looked as if someone had slapped him in the face. Then his eyes traveled down my face to my neck and his jaw fell open and his eyes radiated with absolute anger. What the hell was going on?

I mumbled hellos and got myself a cup of coffee. Breakfast had gone in awkward silence, and now there were only me and Meredith in the kitchen. She waited until no one could hear us then jump from her seat and hugged me.

"I'm so glad! I'm sooo glad! No one believed me, but I knew! I knew I was right. I'm always right!" Surprised was too light description of how I felt while she was talking at _that_ speed. She knew what? And why the hell was she so exited?

"What are you talking about?" I looked at her confused.

"Oh, Bonnie, don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about! I know you know. You're such a bad liar."

"What? What do you mean?"

"You and Stefan!" My eyebrows pulled together, as I was watching her. She sighed and started again. "When I came back from you, I was sure there was something between you and Stefan. I told Alaric about it, he didn't argue, but didn't agree with me either. Than later I told Elena. She laughed at me and said that was impossible. I told them they would see when you came. But you did nothing! No holding hands, no kissing, no loving glances, nothing! I began to think I had made a wrong conclusion, and you know I hate being wrong. But then! At last! I knew you were together!... and besides, your neck…" Meredith was back to exited babbling. And I was thinking hard. At last what? What was this all about? Firstly, what the hell had happen last night? I remembered drinking, dancing, getting in a car and then nothing, and that was probably because I fell asleep there. Anyway. I looked at Meredith and sighed,

"Yeah, we're together". Then, getting up, I smiled at her and went to our room. Stefan wasn't there. I went the bathroom. Standing over the sink I washed my face with cold water. Then rising my head, I looked in the mirror and grasped clutching my neck. Then slowly removing my palm I looked at it again, hoping I was hallucinating. But, no! There they were. Two small round marks on the left side of my neck. I blinked several times; marks obviously didn't want to disappear. Where they could probably come from? I didn't even consider a version of Damon doing that, and Stefan was my friend, and besides, he didn't feed off of humans. So… what the fuck?! Maybe I had gotten attacked yesterday but my memory had been erased and that's why I didn't remember it?

I heard our bedroom's door opening and closing.

"Bonnie?" Stefan called. Aha!

"Stefan, what the hell's going on?" I demanded, coming to see him. "What's this?" I pointed at the marks on my neck.

"You don't remember a thing, do you?" he said bitterly, looking at the floor. What the hell?

"Stefan, please, what do I not know?" I pleaded, feeling helpless. I had no idea how to explain Meredith's joy, Damon's anger, Stefan's embarrassment and those two fucking holes in my neck.

"Bonnie, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to… I didn't want… it's all my fault. Now you'll hate me for the rest your life." He sat on the edge of the bed and dropped his head into his hands. I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate.

Why everybody had been staring at me like that? What had happened last night? Where had I gotten the wounds? And why on the Earth would I hate Stefan? I almost heard the sound when my thoughts bumped into each other.

"Oh, my God!" my eyes widened and the right hand went to cover my mouth. Another one was clutching my neck. "Stefan, we didn't… we… no… tell me I'm wrong" I fell on my knees in front of him.

"Didn't what?" He said sharply, still not looking at me.

"We didn't have **sex**!" I exclaimed. Then he did look at me, and his eyes… I felt so guilty. "I'm sorry, Stefan. I shouldn't have drunk, I shouldn't have lost control. It's my fault." For Stefan this wasn't just sex, those two particular holes in my neck meant that he had fed off of me, and he had broken his promise to himself. I couldn't imagine how he was feeling right now.

"What are you talking about? Are you insane? It's not your fault." He knelt beside me.

"Yes, it is" I sobbed out. I didn't even try to stop tears that were running down my face. Stefan looked like he was about to begin crying himself.

"No" he hugged me tight, rubbing my back, trying to comfort me. I was hugging him back sobbing even more. "It's ok. Calm down, Bonnie."

"Now **you** will hate me."

"No, no, I won't. I promise I won't."

"Stefan, please, tell me it means nothing and we're still friends. Please."

"Of cause! Just friends Bonnie. It was just… just… we will forget about that, ok? Like it never happened." _You'll forget, because I don't remember a shit_.

"I'm so stupid!" I exclaimed after a silent moment.

"And why's that?" Stefan raised a brow.

"I had sex with so damn-gorgeous guy and I don't even remember what it was like." I shook my head, teasing him.

"Oh, you were good" he assured me. I blushed.

"Shut up" I got up but then suddenly remembered something. "Stefan, why was Meredith acting that way? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"If you don't remember something, it is probably better that way, don't you think?" Suddenly, I didn't want to know any details.

Damon's POW

I saw her in the courtyard. She was standing in the middle of it watching in the night sky, which was incredibly clear tonight. Now, in the moonlight, her creamy skin was paler then ever and red hair was like a halo around the heart-shaped face. And that distant look on her face… she had used to wear it back then, when I still had been able to enjoy it from much shorter distance. Just like tonight, she had been sitting by the wide-open window in her small flat with that face, breathing in warm summer night's air and counting stars. Then she would turn to me and smile a little smile that had been able to take my breath away. But all that was in past. I sighed. I didn't take my eyes off of Bonnie as her lips curved into a familiar smile.

Then I suddenly couldn't get hold of myself, and before I could stop I was heading to her. She obviously heard the footsteps, because she began turning to me

"Are there thirty minutes already?" she chucked. Ok, now, she thought I was Stefan. What could have been better?

"There is a year already." I said in smooth voice. Her eyes widened.

"What do you want?" her voice was cold, what meant she was uncomfortable around me. And I spotted slight amount of fear in her voice.

"Ahh, Bonnie, stop pretending. You know I know you're happy to see me." What could I probably do? Only act like a bad guy.

"Didn't I tell you to go to hell?"

I killed distance between us; just a few miserable inches were separating us. I held her eyes while grabbing the back of her neck. Her breath hitched and beautiful chocolate eyes went closed. I took in her delicate features, carved into my memory. Her pink lips pleaded to be kissed, and I… I couldn't restrain. I needed her, I craved for her. I bent until my nose brushed her cheek and inhaled the sweet smell of Bonnie. I laid my lips on hers. She didn't respond. She didn't move. She didn't breathe. I tried again. She went on her tiptoes and circled her arms around my neck, giving in to me and to the kiss. Good God, even having her close to me was pure bliss. I was pressing her to my chest like I would never see her again. And I probably wouldn't, because in a few second she would understand what was happening and set my ass on fire. As if she had heard my thoughts, she pulled back, looking wildly at me.

"What the fuck are you doing?" she demanded. She was so cute when she was pissed off. I looked at her swollen lips and smirked. Next thing I knew I had been slapped and Bonnie was walking away. Ha-ha, very fanny.

I caught her wrist, pulling her back. I didn't know yet if I wanted to kill her or kiss her again. Bonnie turned to me and looked into my eyes. My head felt as if it was about to explode. I let go of her hand.

"Unexpected, isn't it?" she mocked and left.

Yes, it **was** unexpected. Not that I cared about pain, but **Bonnie** actually **had** **tried** to cause **me**pain. That was surprisingly bitter. But then again, she had let me kiss her; if she had wanted me dead she would have never kissed me back. It was making me happy more then it should've. I shook my head and went to the house. Next thing I wanted was talking to Elena.

I found my wife into our room, sitting on the bed with some magazine in her hands. She looked at me and smiled.

"Too long… Where have you been?" she complained. I walked to the bed and sat beside her. I didn't know how I was going to make it through, but I wanted to know her motives of being with me. I had taken her white hand while thinking, now, playing with her slender fingers, I was wondering had she already caught me looking at Bonnie the way I was actually looking at Bonnie. She squeezed my hand, making me look at her.

"You want to say something, don't you?" she raised a brow. If fact, Elena was beautiful woman, who was willingly living with me, who was trying to satisfy me and who, you couldn't deny it, was satisfactory much. But no! My sick being needed to ask her questions, try her, know everything. I sighed.

"Elena, I've never asked you, never made you tell me that… but… why did you dropped Stefan? And why of all people you choose me to be with?"

"Because I love you." She looked at me with big blue eyes. For some odd reason it all felt so wrong.

"Do you?" she smiled and nodded. Anyway, she hadn't answered my first question. "Why did you dropp Stefan?" I repeated more firmly.

"Does it really matter?" she was uncomfortable and tried to look away.

"Yes, Elena, it does matter. And you're going to answer me now." She got up from the bed sharply and came to stand in front of me with her hands on her hips.

"You're acting like a bitch lately, Damon. And I'm not pushing on you only because I want you to go through that mess into your head and I want you to be normal again. But that does not mean I will tolerate with your offenses." I could only blink. "I'm going down to talk to Meredith about ceremony now. I want you to wait me in the bed with your arm open wide when I come back." On that she left.

She was right; I had been complete ass to her those days. But still, she had never answered me why she had left Stefan…

I was tired of thinking. I fell onto bed, with my hands behind my head. I let my eyes close.

I was laying just the same when Elena came back. She looked furious. Without even looking at me, she strode to the bathroom. At first I thought she was still angry with me, but that thought was quickly replaced with hundred of another as I heard giggles from the hallway. Then for a minute all sounds stopped. And then something bumped in the door, then giggles again.

I had never complained about any of my super senses; well now I did. I hated the fact I could hear so good. Because now all I could hear were Bonnie's soft moans and Stefan's loud uneven breathing. And it was driving me mad.

Elena was lying beside me, sleeping or pretending to be asleep; I didn't care right now. And I was on my back in the dark room with me eye open wide. And the sounds… I didn't think I could bear any more of it. I closed my eyes. Like it could help. When I did so I felt like I was watching 3D movie: sounds from their room were completed with images from my own experience. I could see Bonnie with her curly red hair all over the pillow, I could feel her heat, I could touch her. And she responded to me… so willingly. I opened my eyes only to discover that the house fell silent.

For all Evil's sake, what was happening to me?

Why did I even care what they were doing and with whom Bonnie had sex? I knew they had arrived here as a couple, I had even heard they were living together. So why the hell was I so shocked?

I forced myself to close my eyes. The one thing I wanted now was just to fall into blackness: no dreams, no moans… no Bonnie.

In the morning I got up from the bed exhausted as if I hadn't slept at all. Elena was already on her feet and she was pale and still angry. There was no way in hell I would let her escape from answering me that very question about Stefan.

Bonnie came down to breakfast looking as if nothing had happened and she and her lovely lover weren't the reason of Mutt turning red and Meredith giggling uncontrollably, leave alone me and Elena.

After meeting in the kitchen I went to the library and picked up some book to distract myself. In a while I spotted Stefan leaving the house and heading to the wood. I put the book aside and followed him silently.

When we were in the middle of nowhere he at last stopped and that's when I came to stand beside him.

"Came to terrorize Bambi?" I mocked. Stefan looked at me surprised.

"What the hell are you doing? Following me?" I smirked and ignored his question. Now I wouldn't have any right to blame Elena in avoiding my ones.

"Oh, right. You don't need Bambi anymore, you have Bonnie." Stefan's face was… scary. I actually thought he would attack me. But he didn't. He left me, going further into wood. "Oh, Stefan, c'mon, stop running from me, we…" he turned back unexpectedly.

"What do you want, Damon? Can't you just leave me and Bonnie alone? Is it your hobby to hurt or take away people I love?" Wait, love? Had he actually say love? He loved Bonnie? My Bonnie? One thing was that he slept with her and drink from her, but love…

"So you're in love again, little brother. I thought it takes a few hundred years for you to fall in love again." I sent him a brilliant smile.

"I couldn't care less about what you think. Either you're telling me what do you want or leaving me alone." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Ok. Say I asked you something, would you answer honestly?" Stefan raised a brow. Then after a minute he nodded yes. "Why did Elena leave you? I mean, I know you had a fight, but why?" Stefan was looking through me into his past. And I doubted that particular memory was very pleasant to him.

"You really need to know it?" he asked in half-question.

"I must know it"

"Well then… we were talking about Elena's coming back from dead… and I said it was a huge gift to her that she had come back as human again…" _very Stefan-like_ "…and she boiled. She started asking me when I was going to turn her into vampire again. When I asked if she was for real, she just packed her things and left. The rest you know I believe." Stefan was looking at me… and was that amusement in his eyes?

"Anyway, thank you for being honest with me. Now I'll give you and Bambi some privacy." On that I went into the house's direction.

Oh, my God! What a bitch! Elena was just using me to become a vampire!

_I will kill her!_

But then again, wasn't I the one to blame? Hadn't I proposed to Elena for countless number of times to turn her into vampire, to make her my Princess of the Darkness? Hadn't I left Bonnie? Hadn't I married Elena?

Why was I so stupid?

I was just about to leave the wood what a hand came to lay on my shoulder. If I hadn't smelled it was Stefan, would've killed a person.

"Damon, don't do anything stupid, please. I know how it feels, but just don't do anything you'll regret later." Regret? Killing the bitch? Really?

"We'll see." I left Stefan to stand there.

**Now, review! Please)**


	7. Chapter 7

Ok, so that's another chapter) I finished this chapter last night and was so anxious to update it so mistakes ARE possible. I will reread it at correct everything later. Also I want to thank all the guys that reviewed this story. Gosh, I'm still blushing)))) Ok, I'll stop talking so you can read and REVIEW. Because I need to know what you're thinking about it. So... here we go)

Damon's POV

I walked into the boarding house. Stefan was right. As always. Why the hell was he always right?

Every time I pictured a slow, painful way to make Elena pay for what she'd done, I saw that damned Honoria Fell's tomb where Elena had died to save me and Saint Stefan. I would take a deep breath and try again. And again I would see Elena dying at the floor of the tomb. Then came up all feeling I had ever had to Elena. Admiration. Lust. Love. Lust. And now - disappointment.

I wouldn't kill Elena, I'd have been glad to, but I wouldn't. I simply couldn't kill a person, whom I had considered a perfect one, flawless. It was like killing an ideal, a dream.

But the fact I couldn't kill her didn't mean I couldn't make her pay and that I couldn't humiliate her.

So I walked into the boarding house. Entering the living room, I found Elena, Meredith and Bonnie there. I headed to the bitch and grabbed her hand roughly.

"Come on, sweetheart. We have something to talk about." I said coldly, grabbed her forearm and dragged her out of room. I couldn't help, but notice that Bonnie's eyes were about to drop out of their orbs, so were Meredith's.

I pushed Elena into our room and closed the door.

"What the hel-" she began, but cut her off sharply.

"Shut the fuck up, Elena. Shut up or I will kill you right here no matter what." She looked taken aback. _And she should be._ "You thought I would never find out?" I demanded.

"What are you talking about? What are you doing?" she exclaimed.

"I've talked to Stefan." Oh, I loved that expression of hers. "Wanna say something?"

"Damon I… I… oh God…I" she tried.

"What? Damon, I used you only because of my great love to you? Did I get it right?" Whatever she was going to say, this conversation was over to me, there was nothing I wanted to do with her anymore. Suddenly, I felt sick because of even being in one room with her.

Silently, I turned to the closet and started to pack a bag.

"You don't have to leave…" Elena said quietly.

"I know I don't." With that I opened the door and threw the bag in the hallway. Then I turned to Elena. "And I am not. You are." I pushed her out and closed the door loudly.

'_She's not Katherine. She's not Katherine.' Bullshit!_

Bonnie's POV

Something weird was going on. One minute, I, Meredith and Elena were sitting in the living room, discussing forthcoming ceremony and next minute furious Damon was dragging Elena out of the room. All I and Meredith could do was only stare silently at each other.

"What was that?" Meredith asked me at last.

"I have **no** idea" I shrugged.

Then there were a few silent moments and muffled sound of falling something and then silence again.

"Oh my God. He killed her." Meredith said, horror reflected in her eyes. I shuddered.

But despite, of Meredith's suggestion, neither of us moved. We stopped breathing and just sat waiting for… _something_. Suddenly we heard a couple of loud sounds much closer to us. I clutched Meredith's hand, while staring at the stairs which seemed to be source of noise. Then one final _bam!_ And we saw Elena with a bag in her arms and tears in her eyes.

"He's out of his mind!" She yelped. "He kicked me out of **my** room!" She collapsed on the couch beside Meredith and began to sob uncontrollably.

I watched the scene with **huge** eyes. Meredith put her arms around Elena while trying to soothe her.

"Elena, what exactly happened?" I asked rising a brow.

"Oh Bonnie! He… he… I can't talk about it!" She kept yelping. _Yeah, right, like you'll ever tell me._ Just then my cell phone started ringing into pocket of my jeans. Seeing who was calling, I got up from the couch and went to the window.

"Yeah, Stefan, what's up?"

"There are no lifeless bodies in the house right now?" He obviously knew something…

"I believe, no, there no lifeless bodies even in courtyard" I mocked.

"That's good." He exhaled with relief.

"What's going on?" I demanded.

"Long story. I'll tell you later." He reassured me.

"Ok, but you'd better hurry up." I threatened and hung up.

"I'll make you guys some tea." I said to Meredith and Elena and went to the kitchen.

I was incredibly happy that Meredith was getting married, but this wedding was causing a shitload of problems all over. And if there weren't lifeless bodies yet, there would be one soon. Mine. I had to know what had just happened over there, or curiosity would kill me. Not that I cared much about where Elena was going to spend the rest of the week, but, God, I was a woman! I needed to know everything!

But at some point I even felt sorry for Elena. We all knew Damon; he could be cruel enough to kick you out not just of your room, but out of your house, out of your normal life probably. He might just once come to you with all that beauty, glory, fake self-confidence and that killer coolness and you whole personal little world would come crushing down. With behavior of original Renaissance man, like he came down to life from a page of some novel, he captivated your soul with one glance only. And you just couldn't resist him; you wanted to fall into his traps, you wanted to play his twisted games, you enjoyed his dirty tricks. Always the same. No escape. No salvation.

The kettle's whistle pulled me back to reality abruptly. I sighed, making tea. I couldn't help but feel like I was a heroine of some Santa Barbara soap. I shook my head and made my way into the living room.

"So you're trying to tell me I don't want to know when I'm dying of curiosity?" I raised a brow at Stefan. Elena hadn't tell neither me nor Meredith what actually had happened, she just had sobbed and sobbed until Stefan had came and that's when I had escaped to our bedroom to grill him.

"Believe me, Bonnie, you don't wanna know. Besides, if I tell you Damon will kill me. Do you want that?" We were in our room – I, cross-legged on the bed, and Stefan, leaning against a window opposite me.

"Stefan, you **must** tell me." I demanded.

"And why's that?"

"Coz I won't let you live either if you don't tell me. I'll… I'll…" I hesitated what I could probably do to him. Or rather, what I could say I could've done to him to make him tell me. "I'll set your ass on fire!"

"No, you won't"

"Ok, maybe… but I'll tell everyone you have boxers with pretty red-red hearts." I threatened.

"I don't…"

"I know… doesn't change anything." Stefan thought about it for a minute.

"You wouldn't…" I chuckled.

"Try me." I looked at my hands and then back at Stefan. "Seriously, what happened?" I asked in quiet voice. Stefan sighed.

"Bonnie, I understand you want to know, but… it's just not my place to tell. You… you wouldn't tell me either. And that's right. Coz-"

"Okay! I got it" I interrupted him. "I understand."

"If you want to know so much you always can ask Damon." Stefan teased me. I made a face. He chuckled.

Stefan was just about to leave the room when I thought about something.

"Stefan" I called, he turned back to face me. "There's something I need to tell you."

"Yeah?" he raised a brow at sudden seriousness of my voice. "Is something wrong?"

"I…" I hesitated "I think I might be pregnant." Stefan became paler than a wall, his eyes grew… **huge**. And he looked as if he was about to faint.

"Bonnie…" he choked out.

"I…" I took a deep-deep breath to continue. No words came out, but a wild laughter. Stefan looked even more shocked. Then a realization hit him, at the same time as my back hit the bed as I fell rolling around.

"Very fanny, Bonnie." He made an impassive faca and left the room in hurry. I forced myself to stop laughing and wiped tears from my eyes.

"Oh Gosh, I'm cruel." I murmured to myself.

That was my last night in the boarding house. The wedding was taking place in the morning, and after it we all would go on with our lives. Far away from each other.

But now I was lying in the dark bedroom, in a big bed, in the circle of Stefan's arms.

Yeah, that was weird. But I didn't mind as far as it was making him feel a little bit better and as far as we kept it clear. And in one thing I was sure – it was friendship. And his endless care about me.

And that was nice – to know that someone actually cared about me. It was nice to feel I wasn't alone, that I wasn't abandoned.

I smiled into the darkness.

Still I felt sad a little. It was stupid to think that this week I had spent here could change anything. Because nothing had changed.

Ok, maybe I was lying to myself. Something did change.

First. My and Stefan's friendship had become stronger. He was in charge of the place of my heart where Elena had used to be. When she had betrayed me – because I saw her action as betrayal – there had appeared some free space in my heart. And I had been glad to present it to Stefan when he had given me his strong supportive shoulder where I could cry wherever I wanted to.

Second. Something had happened between Damon and Elena. I still didn't know what. I hadn't seen much of them together after, according to what Elena had sobbed out, he kicked her out of her room. Well, I actually didn't mind I didn't know anything. Because if I knew, it would give me some kind of hope, false hope I should admit. And even without it, after all that had happened, I doubted I would sleep properly once I was home.

And Damon… I had no idea how I could let him leave again. I didn't know. I was lost. After a week around him, I had got used to his presence again. It wasn't like before, but it was something. My heart shamelessly betrayed me each time I watched him walking by – it skipped a beat and then began to ache.

I sighed and closed my eyes. Tomorrow would be a great day. I was maid of honor or what? I had to look gorgeous. I resolutely decided to make myself fall asleep.

Damon's POV

I, Stefan, Mutt and Alaric were in small, bright room in a church, waiting for ceremony to begin. Fiancé was nervous enough to cause an adrenaline rising in his system. That in its turn caused me to look at him with hungry eyes. That scared the hell out of him. Then again adrenaline and my hungry eyes. Vicious circle.

I sighed.

And these annoying looks Stefan was giving me. What the hell did he want?

Stefan caught me when I caught him looking at me, hesitated then took me aside to talk.

"How are you, Damon?" We stood in the corner of the room. Stefan tried to look me in the eye. The eye was black and unreadable. At least I hoped it was. I growled.

"I'm great, little brother. It's wedding. I **love** weddings!" Stefan sighed.

"Damon, I know it hurts, but-" I interrupted him.

"I don't care. Stop trying to pour your soul out. I'm not interested!" I said it a little bit louder than I intended to. Stefan turned to look at Alaric and Mutt staring at us.

"Let's go outside." Stefan suggested.

"I'm done talking."

"Follow me." He ordered and left the little overcrowded room. I shrugged and followed him. We were outside. I looked relaxed and perfectly calm. Stefan looked uneasy and nervous. "You don't have to pretend, I know you do care. You love Elena. Well, or loved."

I shrugged "Whatever you say."

"Damon!" Stefan got angry. "Talk to me! Why do you always have to hold everything to yourself? Say it! Confess you were wrong!"

"What?! What do you want me to say? I don't love Elena. I don't care. I wasn't wrong… I was mistaken." Stefan shook his head.

"What about Bonnie then?"

"What about her?" I raise my brows and shoved my hands into the pockets.

"Have you ever felt at least **something** to her? Or was that just another game of yours?" Stefan asked more calmly.

"I've never played with her." She was too precious to play with.

"So you love **Bonnie**?" Stefan raised a brow.

"Nooo, you the one who loves her" I mused.

"I do love Bonnie. Not in the way you do, but-"

"Of cause not in the- ahem" I cleared my throat "What do you mean?" Stefan smiled satisfied with the result of his speech coz… _did I just confess I love Bonnie?_ _Maybe he didn't get it_… No, there was that creepy happy expression on his face again. Fuck!

"The idea of my love to Bonnie is a happy, **sincere** smile on her face." Stefan smiled wider. "And yours?"

"Moans in the night?" I suggested.

_I did it again, didn't I?_ Why couldn't I just shut up when it came to Bonnie?

"Damon" Stefan said suddenly serious. "I'll be leaving after the wedding."

"We all will." I raised a brow.

"I'm going to Florence"

"And you're telling me this coz…?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Coz it's your last chance, Damon."

Wait. Hold on. What was he saying? He was leaving Bonnie alone and moreover, he was telling this to me? He wanted me to go to Bonnie and…?

"Are you insane?" I asked truly concerned. Even if he did leave without trying to trick me, Bonnie would burn me alive as soon as I showed up anywhere near her. Was this his new twisted method of getting rid of me?

"Do whatever you want. I told you this so you could fix all you've already got broken. You may go and terrorize world or you may go as well and try to do something. I don't care. But-" Stefan rose his index finger "if I ever hear a single complain, a single sob from Bonnie, I will make you pay for that." After the monologue Stefan simply turned and went back in the building leaving me to stand there shocked.

I caught up with Stefan. "And why would you do this?"

"Because… I don't know. Because you're my brother and… I kind of feel sorry for you"

"What? Don't do that. Don't you dare to do that, Stefan!" I stopped and he stopped with me. "I'll go terrorizing the world, and you… you'll…you'll go whatever you want! I am not doing whatever you planed for me! You moron." I turned and headed to where I was supposed to spend the ceremony.

That idiot thought he could be in charge of **MY** life! He though he could give chances! Brainless, weak, useless being. He wasn't even able to get hold of his woman, so she had gone whoring around. _I, Damon Salvatore, will not go and humiliate myself. And I will not help Stefan with his master plans!_

Bonnie's POV

Wedding had gone just perfect! I was so happy for Meredith. She was lucky indeed. She had found the one and only she wanted to spend her whole life with. And she had been sooooo gorgeous in that snow-white dress. And Alaric was so charming always.

I wondered if I would ever put on a dress like that. The white wedding one.

_Of course you will, silly._

Some day I would meet a nice guy. And I would look in his eyes and I would know – this is the person I was created for.

The thing was, I had no idea where I was supposed to look for that guy. Because after all that had happened in my life, ordinary guys were plane and boring. I really hoped I would get over that someday and would go crazy about Bred Pitt again.

I entered my bedroom only to find Stefan packing his stuff into a suitcase. I took a look around the room. My things reminded unpack. I looked at Stefan again.

"Give me fifteen minutes, I'll just pack quickly and we'll leave" I said starting to pick my clothes. Stefan however froze and was eyeing me now. Then in quick motion he zipped his bag and looked straight at me. For some unknown reason I felt a wave of cold covered my heart.

"What is that, Stefan?" I asked him, though something was telling me I didn't want to hear the answer.

"I didn't tell you… I didn't know how…" he took a deep breath "I'm going to Florence now. I'm…"

"You're leaving me?" I asked. I thought I had heard him wrong.

"I'm… going to live in Italy for a while" his expression was pure guilt.

"So you're leaving me" I stated. World came crushing down around me. "What did I do wrong?!" I exclaimed.

"No, no, Bonnie, nothing. It's just… I…"

"Don't explain. I don't really want to hear it." I was doing my best not to cry. And I wanted to cry so badly. I turned away from Stefan toward window and I was breathing hard with my hands crossed over my chest. "If that's what you want…" One damned tear escaped from my eye and wipe it quickly, hoping Stefan hadn't notice.

But Stefan was at my side in a blink of an eye, with his hands wrapped firmly around me. "Oh, Bonnie. Don't be upset. It's for the best." I reminded silent. But in my mind the word 'best' was replace with 'good'. And my heart was aching. But I wasn't going to be selfish. If it was what Stefan needed, than I had to let him leave. Eventually, Stefan had his own life to live. He couldn't be there for me forever. And I did understand that. But it didn't mean I wanted to accept it.

"I'm ok. Really. It's just unexpected. You should've told me earlier." I told him, my voice surprisingly calm.

I sighed and hugged him tightly. "But I still insist for you to wait for me and drive me to airport." I tried to force a smile.

"Sure. Take your time, I'll wait." Stefan assured me and I began moving around the room.

Tears were streaming freely down my face. I had restrained myself whole way to airport and in the airport, I hadn't even cried when I had been saying goodbyes to my friends. Now I was alone at my flight to New York and I could do whatever I wanted. And I wanted to die.

Why everybody was leaving me?

It had to be me. There was something wrong with me so people couldn't stay around me. I was the reason why all the bad things that happened in my life. No, not just my life, in my friends' lives. I was… was…

I sobbed harder and harder. This time there was no one to comfort me and say it would be ok. I was alone again.

_But that's nothing, Bonnie. You will make it. You're a big girl._ I desperately tried to get a grip of myself.

The plane landed and my foot reached the ground, my face was dry and my eyes weren't producing tears. I had said myself while flying I had to be strong. Stefan had been here for me a year, and now he needed to move on. And I knew, if it got so hard so I couldn't stand it I would call Stefan and I would beg him to come back. But for now… I would try to make it through.

Ok, now, review. And I wanted to ask, have you read The Return Shadow Souls? What do you think about it? Coz I'm still reading and I'm just soooo shocked by everything. I can't understand Elena. She's just so... ohhhh. So tell me what you think about this book. Was it something you expected or it shocked you as much as me? Tell me in your reviews.


	8. Chapter 8

Hi guys. So this is one more chapter. It's shorter than others, but I've just finished it and wanted to update faster. I was typing at night so mistakes are possible. Sorry))) Thanks to all who reviewed or added it to favs or alerts. It means a lot for me) So, here we go. XD

Bonnie's POV

This year November was extremely cold. I was walking down the street, coming back home from my friend's party. It was almost midnight and the street was pretty desert. In fact, I was a little bit afraid. I really didn't know why but my instincts were keeping me on the edge, making me look over my shoulder all the time. I wondered what made me go by feet at this time. Yes, it was only two blocks, still it was scary. I held my coat tight around me and was shivering all the time. I really should've putt on more clothes or I would catch cold and die from flu. I shook my head and frown at the thought. Why had I never considered I could die because of a disease? _Because something supernatural is always ready to kill you instead._ I shook my head again.

Speaking about supernatural…

I had been extremely un-Bonnie-like lately. I **had not** begged Stefan to come back to me. I didn't believe it myself, but still. I was living on my own. And I should've admitted I managed pretty fine. I talked with Stefan **a lot**. He called me almost everyday and bored me with soulful talks over the phone, asking how I was and if anything new had happened.

Nothing new had happened. I went through my usual routine – work, home… guys. Yeah, I just refused to give up! _Why should I? Bonnie, let's face the truth._ I was young, single, smart and, as I knew from some complements … let's say pretty. Maybe it sounded cocky, but wasn't that true? So what? Just because some nonentity had used me as his distraction from the Beauty of this fucking world, in short Elena, I was supposed to cry over him all my life? _I don't think so._ I was not going to give up on my live. I was going to live. I was going to find somebody, who would love me and who would know **nothing** about vampires… or witches… or whatever crap I had gone through.

I wrapped my coat even tighter around me. _Gosh, if I'm not in my flat right now. I'm gonna freeze to death._

Sudden metallic tick made me jump and look behind my back once more time.

Next thing I knew I bumped into something… someone, I realized terrified.

"In search for some psycho rapist?" said a voice above me. I jumped a few feet away from it, scared to death.

I looked at the source of noise only to see arrogant, cocky vampire before me.

_Damon_.

I saw a smirk appearing on his face. Instantly I wanted to scratch that fucking look off of his damn face. My heart accelerated with fear… and something else I didn't want to be recognized.

"Seems I just found one" I tried to raise my voice to the needed volume, but it was still low and scared. I tried to pass the vampire but he caught me by my forearm. I lifted my eyes to his ones. I made sure my face was mask of disgust and hatred. It didn't seem to bother him.

"Oh, Bonnie, what? You're not gonna tell me how much you missed me?" I glared at him.

"Yes, Damon, my life is so awfully happy without you. Thanks God you came, coz I was gonna die without you spoiling my life." I came up with sarcastic answer. Then I felt something pressing my arm. I look down to see Damon's hand still griping my forearm. "Let me go" I hissed.

"You know, Bonnie, you're so sexy when you're trying to seduce me…" Oh-oh that smirk was in place again.

I jerked my arm away and he let me go. Surprisingly.

I tried walking away, but he kept up with me. I tolerated with that for … thirty seconds. Then I came to a sudden stop. He stopped beside me too. Without turning my head I began to talk, emphasizing each word. "Damon, I don't want you…" I paused "…nowhere near me. I don't need you."

I glanced over at him when I was done. But… I saw nothing. He wasn't there anymore.

I started walking again, without looking behind.

I entered my apartment, closing the front door with a breath of relief. At least he wasn't trying to kill me anymore.

I kicked my shoes off and hung my coat. I was scared. And angry. And confused. And there was a hurricane of emotions inside of me I didn't want to even look into. I was so tired and my brain just refused to work. Why? Why the hell bother me? Why come here after another four months and try whatever he wanted to try? Because Meredith's wedding had been taking place in July, right? Right. So what the hell?

I went to the bathroom and having turned a tap on I watched the hot water fill the tub. After a while I sank into scalding liquid and felt my muscles began to relax. I closed my eyes. I promised myself not to think.

Damon's POV

_Ok, I'll admit – I'm stalker. So__what?_ Yes, I wanted to see where she was going. What was wrong with that?

I was curious. I was bored.

And for once I was lost.

The night was starless. The sky was just blank. I wondered if stars were ever visible here. But I didn't complain. I liked darkness. I lived in the darkness. Sometimes… no, not sometimes, always, I always thought that the darkness liked me too.

I was so dramatic. Talking to myself and shit. I sighed.

Right after the wedding I had taken off for my World Terrorizing Mission. While I had been married… I grimaced. Marriage wasn't something I would want to try again anytime soon, I hadn't really liked it. _I wonder why?_ I thought sarcastically. So what was I saying anyway? Oh yeah. While I had been married, playing a good boy, too much good had happened in the world. And I considered it as my duty to right a wrong.

But first, I needed to throw off the bonds of matrimony. So that was exactly what I had done by using Compulsion. God, I loved the power I had over people!

But why there always had to be exceptions? Just like Bonnie, for instance. Sometimes it seemed she had more power over me than I had over her. And it was pissing me off. **I**was the strongest one, the powerful one. I wore the pants in our relationship. Wasn't that obvious? She just couldn't get it. But I would show her.

Special vampiric way of showing up was another thing I loved. That was exactly what I used to say Bonnie hi. Moving with super speed I appeared before her when she turned to look at something. She collided with my body, then jumped back, scared.

"In search for some psycho rapist?" I raised a brow. Because, really, what was she thinking? Walking around at night in heels like that? _Bonnie, Bonnie, always so silly_.

She looked at me. Her wide eyes grew even wider when she recognized me.

"Seems I just found one" she muttered, trying to be sarcastic. _Don't go there. Sarcasm's my field._ While I was in my thoughts she tried to leave me. But I was not done yet. Easily catching her forearm, I stopped her. She looked at me first with disbelief then with anger.

"Oh, Bonnie, what? You're not gonna tell me how much you missed me?" She was trying to be serious and scary while staring at me.

"Yes, Damon, my life is so awfully happy without you. Thanks God you came, coz I was gonna die without you spoiling my life." Mmmm. I liked it in her when she was glaring like that and trying to look as cool as me. I felt so aroused. My hand involuntary griped tighter hers. "Let me go." She demanded.

"You know, Bonnie, you're so sexy when you're trying to seduce me…" I didn't know if she noticed but her heartbeats became slightly faster and her cheeks pinked a little. How could I not smile?

She moved her arm sharply away from mine and I let it be. If she wanted it that way, well I would let her.

She started moving, but stopped as soon as heard me walking beside her. I stooped with her eventually.

She was staring straight ahead while speaking. "Damon, I don't want you…" A pause "…nowhere near me. I don't need you."

I was long gone by the time she ended her speech.

Who the fuck she though she was? No one could tell me things like that and reminded alive.

I didn't want her either. I didn't need her either.

Well, maybe a little bit… when I thought about her being naked. (It's she who's naked, not me)….(no, wait, me too).

But ok. I would admit – It hurt.

Being rejected like that, not being needed really hurt like hell. Especially when it was coming from Bonnie.

I didn't know why it bothered me so much. But Bonnie had always been the most innocent of all her friends, and when accusations were coming from her it sounded like truth. When she was saying she didn't want me, it sounded like she really meant it.

That was the point! SHE DID NOT WANT ME! How was that possible? Everybody wanted Damon Salvatore! I was the most wanted person in… I didn't even know where. Everywere. Everybody wanted me. They hated me. They damned me. But they all still wanted me.

There was just no way she was an exception. She wanted me just like others did. She just wasn't brave enough to face the truth. She was too blind to see through all this mess, to see that she needed me.

Ok, I convinced myself. Now I only had to convince her.

I sighed and found myself before her apartment's building. Though, she was asleep by now already. I saw the first few rays of pink-n-yellow morning sun.

Bonnie's POV

Time was floating past me without my permission on it. It was week or so since Damon's enchanting appearance. And thank God I hadn't seen him since anymore.

Sometimes I really was afraid of Damon. He was incontrollable. He couldn't stand a rejection. He always did what he wanted. He never listened to anyone. He never regretted anything.

And I on the other hand talked a way too much. And I seriously considered that one day I might just not come back from work or wherever, coz Damon would find me and take a revenge on me for talking and acting like that. Right now he might be sitting and planning which way of killing me was better. I knew him – he was merciless when it came to his pride. The one person who could push him and still be able to walk after was Elena.

I was not Elena. I was afraid for my life now.

_God, this santabarbara will never end._

One cold Sunday I was calmly wandering around my apartment. Until the doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting any guests. Frowning I went to the door. Sharply opened door revealed nothing no other than Elena Gilbert. I blinked several times to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. I wasn't.

"Elena?" I asked still not believing my eyes.

"Um… Hi, Bonnie." She smiled. I swallowed.

"What are you doing here? Ho do you know my address?" I frowned when I saw her shifting from one foot to the other, and, taking a breath, a quiet "Come in, Elena" made its way out of my mouth.

Elena left her bag in the hallway to follow me into the living room.

_Wait a minute! Bag? Not again, please._ I prayed silently.

I sat down on the couch and Elena did the same. A few minutes of awkward silence and she exploded.

"Bonnie, sorry, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't want to… I didn't mean to… I…" she began to cry. I was staring at her, shocked, wide-eyed. I wanted to say something but couldn't find my voice. Elena clamed a little and was able to speak again. "Bonnie, you and Meredith are my friends since I remember myself. My whole live is tied with yours. All that I have done-" she sobbed "you've always supported me. You've always been there for me when I needed it. And now-" sob "now I'm doing all things that hurt you. And I don't want it. It hurts me too when you're in pain. And-"

"Elena…" it was the one thing I was able to choke out. For once I was speechless. She regretted, really regretted what she had done. I just felt her words were sincere. But it was not that easy to forgive everything.

Or rather – forget. Even if I forgave her, I wouldn't forget it. No matter if I wanted it or not, I just wouldn't be able to do that.

"I'm sorry, Bonnie." She just said that and hugged me. At first I was lost and didn't know what to do. But then I just hugged her back. Maybe we weren't the best friends anymore, but we had history together, and that meant something to me.

Elena decided to stay with me for a while. I couldn't say I felt very comfortable around her, but I agreed. I hoped it would help to make the things clearer, easier.

I had to work, so Elena had to entertain herself somehow while I wasn't home. I had no idea what she was doing, and I didn't care much as long as she wasn't causing any damage to me or my property.

The longer we were together the more good memories were coming on me. The more recent ones and the old ones from the pre-Salvatore era. I didn't regret meeting the Salvatores, well, actually Stefan, I didn't regret meeting Stefan, but it had changed a lot. We weren't the same anymore. And the thing wasn't in just growing-up, we just had learned way more that we ever should've. But I still didn't regret.

Everything was steady. But one evening I came home and there was a note on a coffee table. It was from Elena. Of cause. It said she was terribly sorry, but could stay here no more, she had to go somewhere, do something, it was immediate and she would call me later. The note ended with words 'I'm really, really sorry".

It was strange, but it was Elena so…

I'd been doing fine with her around, but I still needed break. Too much Elena around would cause me a panic attack. So it wasn't exactly that bad that she'd up and left.

I was in Fell's Church. In the boarding house. In Damon's room.

It looked like the old times, when we had been… how would I call that?... killing time? Let it be killing time together.

So I was in Damon's room. With Damon. On top of me. His hands were all over me, as was his mouth. I couldn't help but let out soft moans. My skin was burning where he touched it. Damon was moaning himself when my mouth found his. His eyes sparkled with starlight as his hands were in hurry too take my clothes off. And he had already taken my shirt off when…

When my eyes flew open and I find myself in the darkness of my bedroom… with somebody's body on top of me.

So, what do you think? Reviews are very welcomed.

BTW. I was thinking about changing the story's rating from T to M. But I'm not sure... Tell me in your review what you want it to be. Please.


	9. Chapter 9

Ok, guys, I know you probably want to murder me. And you're right. I am horrible person and I'm sorry. But life was a bitch to me lately - endless exams, tons of homework. I'm really, really sorry. I thank those who read, reviewed. Really, thank you, guys. XD.

P.S. I've changed rating...

Damon's POV

_I haven't killed in a while._

That was what I thought when I left limp, but still breathing body behind me. I got off of a bed – _it's important part of feeding, you know_ – and got my clothes on again.

I needed a plan.

In general, I just needed to appear and make Bonnie love me. _Now, how do I do that?_ Maybe if I just showed up and smiled my brilliant smile at her, she would understand how incredible beautiful I was, and how smart, and how good and how she couldn't resist me? I thought about it. Not likely. But maybe… no, I really doubted it. She needed a hint that she couldn't live without me.

I headed to the nearest bar. I had to come up with a master plan and I couldn't really do it without a glass of something strong. Or better – two.

After the third bottle of bourbon, I decided I would just come to her apartment and ask her to talk with me. And once I would be in… well I would be in and that's it.

I looked at my watch. 2 a.m. She would not be happy if I came now. I decided to wait.

I was in a minute from Bonnie's apartment's building, when I caught a familiar scent. While I was trying to indicate the owner, I saw Elena right before me. My eyes widened, and then narrowed. What was _she_ doing here? She entered needed the building _I_ was heading to. What the hell? I made sure she didn't see me, as I followed her silently. She headed to the third floor. To Bonnie's apartment. I was already confused enough, but then happened unexpected. Elena opened her purse and got a key from it. Then she made an effort and opened the front door with the key.

Oh my God!

My plans were changing rapidly.

Before Elena could cross the invisible barrier that would stop me, I grabbed her waist from behind. She jumped and she would've scream if my hand hadn't covered her mouth with my left hand. I pressed her back to my chest, while whispering into her ear not to scream. She nodded and I let go of her mouth.

I was placing soft kisses on the side of her neck. She seemed to relax.

"Were you following me?" She asked, while clutching her hands around mine on her waist.

"Uh-um"

"Well, I knew someday you would come to me eventually" she stated.

I was thinking about how wrong she was, while my fangs were growing until they touched my lover lip. Slowly, I bared my teeth and scratched Elena's throat with full-length fangs. She froze. I could smell her fear.

"Damon?" she asked quietly. I smirked, my hold around her became unbreakable.

"Invite me in, Elena. Now." My voice was low and seductive but to show her how serious I was I scratched her pale skin again.

"D- Damon" she swallowed "I can't. Bonnie will kill me"

"Ah, how could Bonnie kill you if you were already dead? And if you don't invite me in, you will be." Despite my words I nibbled on her earlobe. Elena shivered, though I thought it was more of fear than pleasure. "Repeat after me – come in, Damon, please." She reminded silent. I was getting frustrated. I shook her. "It's you last chance, Elena. Either you say it now, or you will remind silent forever." I threatened, she shuddered.

"Come – come in, Damon" she finally chocked it out.

I let go of her and walked into the apartment. It wasn't very big, but it was enough to live comfortably.

Bonnie liked space, so it wasn't a very big surprise that walls were painted in light colors and the number of furniture was brought down to minimum. I snorted when I spotted a few photos where Bonnie was either with her old 'crowd' or with Stefan.

I heard some noise from behind, and was surprised to find Elena still there – when I had got what I wanted I just forgot about her. Now she was standing in the hallway, looking frightened and angry a little. I found that amusing. _Well, you find amusing almost everything,_ I told myself.

"Now, Elena, you going to gather you stuff, write a note to Bonnie that you can't stay any longer and make yourself disappear." I commanded in a really cold voice.

"But, Damon – "

"I'm not suggesting. It's imperative. You have no say, Elena. Do what I said and get you ass the hell out of here."

"But I thought-"

"You though wrong. Now get out."

I waited till Elena left than I went though the apartment again. Everything was smelt of Bonnie here. Her scent was sticking to me. It was getting into my head and starting a fire there. Images of the witch were clouding my mind. And I knew I needed to get to her soon or else I would just lose my freaking mind completely.

I couldn't believe my luck. Everything had played out even better than I had planed. This time Elena was heaven's sent indeed. There would've been much more problems with Bonnie. She would've never let me in her apartment; she would've not even spoken to me. So this time I really had to thank Elena.

When I came back to Bonnie's, it was late at night and she was asleep.

I needed no light to see her beautiful features – red curls, pale alabaster skin, long lushes, pink full lips…

I stood breathless before her bed. What could I probably do? Look at her. She was so beautiful, so pure. Watching her was almost painful. It was like looking at the sun.

I thought about leaving.

But…

But I couldn't. I wasn't Saint Stefan. I had to have her.

That's when the idea popped in my head. She hid behind her shields so I couldn't read her mind or compel her, or whatever. But I only tried it when she was awake. Now she was sleeping, and I just refused to believe she was strong enough to shield herself while sleeping.

I tried.

It worked!

It actually worked! I made her dream about me, about having sex with me. Then I decided that that dream just had to come true. I got on top of her and began to kiss her everywhere I saw available skin. She was wearing small silk shorts and matching top. I had my hands under that top when her eyes suddenly flew open.

For three seconds everything went absolutely still. Then her scream probably wakened if not everybody in the building then half of them. I covered her mouth as fast as I could. She was struggling against me to get free. I didn't let go in fear she would go on screaming.

'**Let me go! Now!'** I heard in my head. I thought about it. If she was talking with her mind then she maybe wouldn't scream. I took my hand of her mouth, but I did no attempt to release her fully – she was still under me.

"What the hell?" she demanded. I smirked. She struggled to get free, but I didn't want to let go. I got her at last and I just couldn't let her slip away again, whether she wanted it or not. At that moment I just knew she **would** be mine.

I was slapped out of my thoughts when I hit the floor. What the hell? I looked up at Bonnie, who was smirking herself now, and assumed that she had just used magic. _I really need to kill Stefan for teaching her all this witchy crap._ I got up slowly, my full-length fangs revealed.

"What are you doing, witch?" I said in low, dangerous voice. Bonnie swallowed loudly and moved on the other side the bed.

"H- how did you get in."

"How do you think?" _She's going to explode when she finds out Elena invited me in._ Bonnie looked around the room, as if searching for some clue. Not finding anything her eyes returned to mine.

"I … I didn't invite you." She pointed out. I was thinking about an excuse. I didn't want to tell her about Elena, but who else could invite me in?

"How would you know? You were sleeping." I looked at her. Refusing meet my gaze, she let her eyes wander around the room again. That's when she glanced at her night table and she spotted Elena's note. Her face became white and eyes wide. She looked at me, livid with wrath.

"You!" She got of the bed and stepped toward me. I didn't flinched, though part of me actually wanted to step back from her. "I don't care what you're doing here. I want you out of my flat. Right now!" She ordered me. I shook my head.

"But then, you will never find out what I was intended to do" I said slowly, smiling.

"You will find out what I'm intended to do if you don't stop messing with me." I found myself enjoying it. I loved this side of Bonnie – when she was so wild, so unpredictable, so self-confident. I loved when she forgot I was vampire and could so easily hurt her, when she was sure could cause me harm. In moments like that she was strong indeed.

I crossed space between us and reached my hand for her. "Bonnie…" I whispered. She made a sharp intake of air and backed from me.

"Don't touch me, Damon." It was said very simply – quietly, with no threat, in small voice. I frowned. I didn't want to hurt her, not really. I just wanted… Did I really know what I wanted? She looked so vulnerable now. I hadn't seen that look for a while now.

Despite of what she said I came to her again and took her in my arms. Strangely enough, she didn't fight with me to get free, but she didn't return my embrace either. She just stood in the circle of my arms, and I was satisfied with it. For now.

"Why are you doing this to me?" my chest muffled her words. Why was I doing it? I didn't know. I just felt strange urge to be near her. I just wanted her. I didn't want to share her.

"I don't know."

"I can't. I want to move on, but you won't let me. Always showing up with that smug expression, making sarcastic comments, smirking. Why won't just leave me?" She looked up from my chest to my eyes.

"I don't want to." She shrugged off my arms and went to the window. It felt unexpectedly cold without her in my arms.

"Why did you leave in the first place, then?" She asked, staring out of the window into blackness. The night was going in a very wrong direction. By now we should've been both naked in the bed. But no! Instead I had to have this soulful talk.

"First it was Katherine. Then it was Elena. I've always had to share my women with Stefan. And not just any women, he always wanted the ones I really cared about." Bonnie's gaze was glued to the glass, but her shoulders fell a little. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't love Katherine, because I did. Deeply. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love Elena, because I did…"

"Why are you telling me this?"

I ignored her question and continued talking. "Elena came and offered me herself, and I choose to keep old feelings, than to gain new ones." I came to stand behind her and put my hands on her shoulders. I decided I need to say something that was really important to me. I didn't open up for anybody, but who I could tell all this if not Bonnie? "I wasn't sure I was ready to spend eternity with you…" Bonnie turned around abruptly.

"What? Eternity? Damon, have you ever thought about asking me about that? Have you ever thought that I might not want that?" Her eyes were determined. I in turn was looking at her confused. "God, you haven't, have you? You just always care about what **you** want. You always get what **you** want. No matter what the price is." Bonnie started to walk toward the door. I followed. Once she was in the living room she sat on the couch, hands in her lap, looking straight ahead blankly.

"And what if I had asked? What the answer would've been?" I said a little bit more sharply than I intended to. Bonnie shook her head.

"Then, I would've been thinking 'bout it, there was possibility of even saying yes to you some day…"

"And now?"

"And now I wouldn't even give it a second thought." She looked at me. "Your action showed me that if some Elena comes, no matter what are you and what I am, you will pack you things and leave." She gave me a sad smile.

What would one do if they wanted to cure a drug addict? They would offer the drugie variety of treatments, but none would work if patient didn't want to be healed from his addiction. Bonnie was a drug to me. And even if I could've been healed, I didn't want to.

"Bonnie…" She didn't look at me. Something inside me wasn't right. My chest felt heavier than it had used to be and breathing was way harder task than it should've been. How the hell had I mustered to fuck everything up so seriously? I wanted to scream and kick. I wanted to kill somebody. Instead I reached out and took Bonnie in my arms. I simply needed her there. It was her place.

I held onto her as if my life depended on it. "I won't" I began to murmur in her ear. "I won't leave. Ever." With that I kissed her neck. I placed soft kisses there when I smelt salt. I looked up and saw Bonnie crying.

"Don't" I kissed the tear away.

"Hurts" I thought I was griping her too tight and I loosed my hold. She clutched my shirt not allowing me to pull too far away. "It hurts so much when you do it and then leave me." More tears made their way down her face.

"I won't leave you. I won't. I can't. I-" I kissed her lips softly.

It was a tender, slow kiss. I was pressing her to my chest. One of my hands was on her back, other in her hair. And she laid her palm on my chest. Her tears were running down my cheeks, but we were still kissing.

Kissing Bonnie felt great. It was better than great, it was heaven to me, but something just wasn't right. I couldn't quite put my finger on what felt wrong, but there was something in Bonnie. The way she was holding me, the way she was moving her lips, tongue against mine, the softness of all this were scaring me. I didn't know what to expect next. We parted and I looked her in the eye. Endless sadness hit me and knocked over the edge of ocean of pain; mine or Bonnie's, or both. I wanted to speak, to ask her what was wrong, to sooth her, but I didn't know what to say and I could find my voice anyway, so I just silently stared into her brown eyes, trying to guess what was going on in her head.

Finally Bonnie took a breath in. "Damon-" she looked down, fighting tears as I assumed, and had to start again. "Damon, I think… it's time for you to leave." I didn't believe my ears.

"Leave? But Bonnie."

"Seriously, Damon. What is this? When we where getting together it was meant to be fun, reckless… And it was never meant to be this complicated. Look at me. I'm 23. I can waste a year or two, but then what? We don't have future." I was not expecting this. The hardest thing was that what Bonnie said was true. "I'm sorry, Damon."

I got up from the couch. "I don't know what I was expecting… but you're probably right. It will never be more than just having fun." Emotions were boiling in me. I felt like Vesuvius, like I was going to explode and destroy everything around me.

I looked at her one more time and made my way to the front door.

Bonnie's POV

I wasn't sure if I had done the right thing. I wanted him desperately – yes. But in my mind I knew I had to push him away from me. Damon was not as bad as he showed. But his good was deep inside and he wouldn't allow it to surface. He had saved me several times in the past, he had stayed by my side when I needed him, but at the end of the day I had ended up broken and miserable. Not than I thought Damon wanted to hurt me, it just was in his nature, he couldn't help who he was.

When I was walking Damon to the door I was burning inside, I was dying. My mind screamed at me to stop and not to do anything stupid, but damn heart was aching. Hands itched to grab him; lips were on fire from just single thought about pressing them to his flesh, head was spinning from his overwhelming scent and Power. And those stupid butterflies in my stomach.

Damon opened the door, but then turned to me to say something. His eyes met my, he looked at me and licked his precious lips.

I lost the fight.

I walked closer to the door; he stood motionless, watching me. I had him standing still between me and the door. Slowly I reached my hand and closed the piece of wood, my eyes never leaving his.

I honestly tried to fight myself and stop getting closer and closer to him, but wasn't I always the helpless one?

Finally I was close enough, so I got on the tip-toes and did press my lips to his ones. For a mere second he seemed not to know what to do with me, but he never was the one to hesitate too long. I was in the circle of his arms, clutching the fabric of his leather jacket, kissing him passionately.

If fact, there was a slight chance I could scratch myself away from him, but I buried it the moment our tongues met. In that moment I wanted nothing but him. Whatever would happen later I needed him then.

In a blink of an eye we were in the bedroom, on my bed. Damon was sitting on it and I was straddling him, my legs on either side of his hips. Damon's kisses were full of lust and need, yet somewhat tender. He was holding me tightly to him. He was holding me as if I was the most important thing in his deranged world. I didn't mind. I just wanted him as much as he wanted me. He snaked his hands under my top and cupped my breasts. I gasped, clutching tighter to him and deepening our kiss. Damon massaged, squeezed, caressed my breasts.

I almost forgot already how wonderful sex with Damon could be. Something warm spread in the bottom of my stomach in anticipation and I let Damon take off my top. The fabric was immediately replaced with Damon's hands and mouth.

I let him take his time before I started to unbutton his black shirt. The first glimpse of his bare flesh and I was fascinated. I hadn't realized how much I missed this until now. I put my hand on the place where his heart would be, and held it there along with my gaze for a moment. When I lifted my eyes to look into his, there was something in the endless blackness of his eyes that took my breath away. It was creepy. The way I reacted to him was creepy and scary.

The moment we were staring into each other's eyes was so intimate. It was more intimate then kisses and sex, it was… I couldn't think about the words to describe my feelings.

I slid the shirt down his arms and sent it to the floor. My hands were exploring his chest, creeping slowly down to his pants. I undid button and zip and slid my hand into his pants. Damon said nothing but rolled his eyes as I rubbed him softly _there_.

Then I was turned around so my back was pressed to the mattress and Damon was hovering over me. He held my gaze and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand. He bent down and kissed me, his hands slid my shorts down.

I wanted him to hurry up; because I was afraid I would change my mind and kick him out of my flat. I refused to analyze the situation and my own stupidity, because then I would certainly come to my senses and kill him. While my mind pleaded me to stop, my hands were boldly pushing Damon's pants down. Damon helped me, willing much to free himself from the heavy fabric. I shut my eyes tightly, feeling Damon settling in between my legs. God, I felt like a high-school girl, fucking with popular school-boy, while parents are absent. Seriously, it's not like I hadn't had sex with Damon, but his touches felt so foreign.

Before I could think of anything else I felt Damon entering me. I moaned loudly and put my legs around his waist. Damon pulled almost all way back, then plugged in roughly. I didn't even try to keep silent, wouldn't help anyway. I was digging my nails into his shoulders and rocking my hips against his. Every Damon's thrust woke something in me, some unknown passion, brought indescribable pleasure to me. I seriously considered I would die any minute now; I just couldn't take it anymore. Still I did not want Damon to stop. Thrusts were becoming faster, harder. The friction was almost painful. I was moaning yeses and Damons, sometimes in one sentence. Damon panted, sweating, on top of me.

I felt it. Just a few more thrusts and I…

"Ahhhhhhh" I screamed, arching my back. Oh God. This was one of the strongest orgasms I had ever had. I felt like I was floating, like I was weightless. I was holding onto Damon as if my life depended on it.

When it was over I looked at Damon, who happened to lay on top of me breathless. I didn't see centuries old vampire as I watched him. I saw just a man, awfully beautiful, but still just a man. Damon rolled off of me to his side. He was watching me. My every move. I felt him burn holes in my skin with those midnight black eyes.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply.

"You should leave now." I said quietly. My eyes were still closed; I didn't have nerve to look at him. Damon didn't move. I waited.

After five very silent minutes I decided to check if he was still there. He was. He was still watching me as if I hadn't said anything. I looked him in the eye.

"You really should…" I trailed off. Somehow I didn't manage to finish the sentence. I got up and went looking for my clothes. When I was dressed once again I returned to the bed and sat on it cross-legged.

Damon hadn't moved a bit. He was still lying there with his arms behind his head, uncovered, absolutely bare and murderously gorgeous. I smiled at the sight of him like that.

For some reason I was so peaceful, that it freaked me out. Strangely there was no hurricane of emotions inside of me. There was silence. Not emptiness or something, but just silence, like somebody turned off all annoying noise, that made your head spin, or like being under water.

"Why do you think I will let you in my life again?" I asked softly, generally curious. Damon was looking at the ceiling while answering.

"Because I know you. Because you have just let me in you bed. Because you love me." I looked at him wide-eyed.

"Love?"

"Yep" he nodded. "Like you loved me back then when we were together." He cast me a glance. I was speechless; I just looked disbelievingly at him.

"What just happened doesn't mean anything." I announced.

"No?" Damon smirked.

"At all." I said resolutely. He sat up then and moved to me. He took my shoulders in his hands, drawing me to his chest.

"But it does. It means the world to you." He brought his lips so very close to mine. "You can't trick me, Bonnie. I know you way too good to believe you don't love me anymore." Pulled me even closer to him, I was particularly sitting in his lap. I was frozen, mesmerized. "And deep inside" his velvet lips were millimeters from mine "you know why I'm here. Because you need me…" His lips brushed mine as he whispered his next words. "Because I love you too…"

I didn't know what I felt. Really. My heart was beating rapidly, but the peaceful silence was still there. I wasn't sure if I could believe Damon. But I wanted desperately. When the last words were said, I simply let go of it all.

I kissed him ever so softly, so tenderly, as if afraid he would fade away from any pressure.

Like the softest velvet, his lips brushed mine. Like the tenderest lover, he licked my lover lip. I opened my mouth, letting him in. Tongues were brushing each other; I felt high. I found Damon in between my legs and his erection hitting just the right spot there. I rocked against it; Damon grasped and clenched my hip, not letting me move away. I repeated the action. Damon started to pull my shorts down. My hand stopped him and I pulled away. He looked at me dazzled and puzzled. I swallowed.

"I need to think this through." I breathed out. He stared at me with disbelief.

"Bonnie, you can't leave me like this" he motioned at his erection.

"I just need to think"

"It's illegal!" he exclaimed. I smiled a little. He sighed deeply, got up and got dressed. "I'll be here tomorrow. In the evening. You will say you're mine." With that he jumped out of the window into the darkness. I fell on the bed, with my face buried in a pillow. He was so sure I would accept him. He was surer of it then I was.

I ordered myself to fall asleep.

The sky was pink and blue. I was still laying wide-eyed, thinking of what Damon would hear when he came.

So? What do you think? This was probably the hardest chapter to write. Well, anyway, I'll appreciate if you share your opinion on it with me.

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	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Bonnie's POV

It seemed only a few minutes ago I had shut my eyes and now I was awakened by my alarm clock. I turned it off without opening my eyes.

I had a strong feeling that I had just woken up from a weird dream, because those pictures that were flashing through my mind couldn't be true. In three minutes I realized that it **was** true. My eyes snapped open.

_Oh my God. What the hell have I done?_

I couldn't believe I was that stupid. Really, what had I been thinking? Having sex with Damon? Again?_ Again?_ I really, really wanted to commit suicide.

It was until I heard the water running in my bathroom. I froze immediately, listening to the sound.

According to what I remembered Damon had left, hadn't he? Slowly shock changed into anger. _How dare he?_ I got up from the bed and stormed to the bathroom. With one sharp movement I opened the door.

"What the he-" I began. "Ahhhhhh ahhhhh ahhhh" I continued. "Stefan! Oh oh oh, naked Stefan!" I closed the door, my face as red as tomato. _God, that was embarrassing._

A few minutes later the bathroom's door cracked open and Stefan walked into the bedroom. I was sitting on the edge of the bed not moving. I wasn't sure if I was awake or still dreaming. I was afraid if I made any movement and if Stefan wasn't real he would fade away. After a moment I dared to speak.

"Are you really here or am I hallucinating again?" I said cautiously.

"I'm really here." He smiled. Then frowned. "What do you mean 'again'?" I looked at him, my eyes narrowed. Then suddenly I jumped of the bed and rushed to him.

"Stefan! Stefan came!" I was yelling, hugging him. I know I behaved like a five-years old, but I was happy beyond belief.

"I missed you so much." I complained once we were in the kitchen and I tried to muster some kind of a breakfast.

"I missed you too, Bonnie" Stefan was sitting at the table, watching me. "How have you been?" I placed two mugs of coffee on the table and sat across from Stefan.

"Actually, there is something I need to tell you." Stefan immediately tensed. "Well…" I began, but didn't know how to finish. How could I tell him about it, if I refused to believe it had really happened?

"What?" Stefan asked, taking his cup absent-mindedly. I cleared my throat.

"Elena came here." I said, though it was from I really wanted to tell him. He froze at my words.

"Elena?" I nodded. "And?"

"She said she was sorry. She stayed here with me for a few days. Then one day when I came home after work, I found nothing but a note where she apologized again and told she had to leave." Stefan's expression was flat. I sighed out of frustration. "Actually that's not what I wanted to tell you"

"There is more?"

"Damon shoved up…" Stefan raises his brows.

"You got to be kidding me." I felt so ashamed. He didn't know even a half of it yet and look at his reaction. "He didn't do anything to you, did he?" That was it. I began to cry. "Bonnie? Bonnie?" Stefan reached out to take my hand but I jerked away.

"I feel like a whore, Stefan. Like a fucking whore." I cried harder.

"What happened?" he asked, concerned.

"I met him when I was going home from a party. And I told him to fuck off. Then later I woke up and he was here. And-" I sobbed "and I told him to leave. And I don't know how… I" I just could not finish that. I was staring at the black liquid of my coffee, because I couldn't look Stefan in the eye either.

"Tell me what happened." He demanded.

"We fucked. Ok? Fucked. I don't even know how that happened." In an instant Stefan was right beside me, taking me from my seat and pulling me into a hug.

"Calm down, Bonnie. Why are you crying? You had sex with Damon. Big deal. You did it before." I pulled away to let him see my expression.

"What are you saying, Stefan? Do you even realize how terrible it is? I'm doing the same mistakes. I can not let history repeat itself."

"What I mean is – yes you slept with Damon again, yes now you're feeling bad, but it's already done. So you have to calm down and think of what you will be doing next." Stefan was right in a way. I couldn't change what had happened; I only could make sure it would not repeat. "Anyway, where is Damon then?" Stefan asked looking around the apartment.

"He said he'd come back tonight for answers."

"And what are you planning on saying him?" he lead me to the living room and we sat on the couch.

"I'm confused, Stefan… I won't deny I loved him. But I'm just not sure I still do. I mean, of course, some part of me does, but he hurt me, and I did my best to get over him and move on. It's just not the same anymore. I'd be glad to let him in my life once more, but something keeps telling me he will leave me after all." Ok, that was a long speech. But I had to tell that somebody, anybody. I needed to confess all that. Stefan always understood me. He was looking at me sadly. I closed my eyes and put a hand to my forehead.

Stefan didn't try to comfort me, didn't say anything. I didn't really need him to speak right now. He was there and I was glad. I had imagined Stefan's return home. I had thought we would be having fun like before, and that we would talk non-stop. I had never thought it would be like this.

I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. _Damnit! I'm gonna be late for work._ I got up and rushed to the bedroom.

I got ready to leave and came to Stefan, who was still in the living room.

"I'm leaving. Be back at 6. I believe you can make yourself busy until then?" I knew my voice was flat, but I couldn't do anything about it. Stefan looked at me and nodded. I left.

When I returned home I caught a scent of Italian food. _Stefan's cooking_, I assumed. Indeed, as I made my way to the kitchen I saw Stefan working magic over the stove.

"God, that smells wonderful. I can't remember the last time I used that thing" I said pointing at the stove. Stefan smiled.

"How was your day?" he asked. The tone of his voice was actually light. I wondered what he was thinking.

"Good." He raised a brow. "Ok, terrible. I can't take my mind of everything that happened. I keep thinking about everything." I sighed and sat on a chair.

"What do you want, Bonnie?" _Who knows?_ I stared at my feet, thinking.

On the one hand I did want to love and be loved, you know, the usual. I wanted to feel that warmth one feels seeing a beloved. What in some way meant I wanted Damon. How could I deny I still had feelings for him?

On the other hand there were lots and lots of complications with that. First of all it was Damon for God's sake! All his life was one big whim. He did what he wanted and never paid any attention to what it did to people around him. Like he had wanted me, he had gotten me. Then all of sudden he had wanted Elena again, so had had her. Then back to the square one, he wanted me again. What was I supposed to tell him? I didn't even trust him anymore.

Then again in one of his weird ways he had almost declared his love to me yesterday. Did he love me? Like really love? Or would he forget about me as soon as some pretty girl came around proposing to him?

I had been always told 'Look inside your heart and find the answer there'. I looked. The heart told me to fuck off.

I looked at Stefan, finding him sill waiting for my answer.

"I want… something." He shook his head. "I feel something for Damon… but I can't let him in my life again. It's like… you still love Elena… would you accept her if she came to you asking for it now?" Stefan stopped doing whatever he was doing and his face became serious and sad.

"Elena is a different story, Bonnie."

"Why? I'm sorry if I'm hurting you, but, Stefan, she left you just like Damon left me."

"No, it's nowhere near you getting bumped by Damon!" I greeted my teeth. Anger was slowly building in my chest.

"Yeah? And why's that?" The conversation was getting louder with each word.

"She left me because I refused to turn her into a vampire!" Stefan shouted.

"Oh" my God, I added silently. I looked at Stefan with tears ready to fall onto my cheeks. "I'm sorry" I said quietly.

"There is nothing to be sorry about." Stefan responded bitterly. I got up and wrapped my arms around him. After a few silent minutes Stefan cleared his throat. "I'm almost done here" he motioned at the food. "A few more minutes and we can eat" he announced.

"Let me help you" I suggested, taking a knife.

And wasn't Elena a bitch? Really, who did that girl think she was? I couldn't believe I had once adored that manipulative whore. Maybe that was said too rough, but I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that my best friend, that I had been ready to die for, had destroyed so many lives just to get what she wanted. And I would've understood if she wanted something … reasonable. But leave Stefan, steal Damon from me, hurt me just to become a vampire?

I cut my finger. "Shit!" I hissed.

"What?" Stefan asked then looked down on my bleeding finger. He frowned.

Slowly Stefan reached out and took my hand, bringing it closer to his face. My body was demanding something… Air! I inhaled deeply when I understood I was holding my breath.

He put my finger to his lips. I stood frozen, afraid to move, speak. I should have pulled away. Why didn't I? Hell, I didn't know. _What is wrong with me?_ Though my eyes were still open, instead of my kitchen I saw Fell's Church, all those years back. I saw gorgeous guy pulling into school's parking lot (who btw later turned up to be Stefan), and I remembered how I liked him and… _am I losing it now?_

I blinked and noticed Stefan still staring at the blood on my finger. He licked his lips and then put the finger into his mouth sucking softly. I watched him wide-eyed. My mouth fell open.

Suddenly, as if remembering what he was doing, Stefan looked up at me scared. He dropped my hand and stepped back.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what happened to me." He said, then licked his lips once again. I swallowed before shaking my head.

"Forget about it. Let's go eat at last!" I faked enthusiasm.

When the truth was – what had just happened scared the hell out of me. I didn't think I had seen Stefan like that before. Plus, hadn't he sworn not to drink human blood? And then there was guilt - I **should have** stopped Stefan! How the hell could have I let him do it?

Thank God the dinner went without any further accidents. I really didn't know how much more of all this I could get. Probably I would end up in a crazy house.

After the dinner I announced I was going to take a bath, Stefan decided to go hunt. And on that our ways parted. Mine went into the bathroom, his out of the front door and into the darkness.

I took my time in the bathroom, not being in a rush at all to get out of hot water. Now, what was I going to do about Stefan? If he kept up doing things like that who knew what I would do. I decided to do the best thing I could – let the fate rule. I sighed, wrapping a towel around me and stepped out of the bathroom.

And almost immediately jumped back in there and slammed door shut behind me. Leaning against the door I tried to steady my breath. _Please, Dear God, please, make that man that is sitting on my bed and looks like Damon, disappear. I don't ask you anything too often, but PLEASE!_ I prayed. I pulled on my robe, cracked the door open and sneaked my head out of the bathroom. I found that smirking bastard where I first saw him, looking extremely smug. I scratched myself away from the door and forced my legs to move in his direction.

"What?" I asked sharply once I approached in front of him.

"Waiting" he responded smugly.

"For what?"

"For you to say you love me" I put my hands on my face. Then, after a moment, sighed removing them.

"Damon…" I began but was interrupted when the front door opened. I knew immediately Stefan came back. He would help me out. He always helped me. Damon had a confused face when he heard footsteps heading to the room. "I'm with Stefan again." I lied quickly and pointed at Stefan who just happened to show up in the doorway. "I'm sorry, I can't. Stefan came back and we decided to try again."

"What?" Damon asked in disbelief. "You decided- **WHAT**?" He got up from the bed abruptly and stepped closer to me. "What are you even saying? Do you even hear yourself?" I couldn't hold back anymore.

"I don't want to be with you!" I shouted. "I want Stefan! Not you! Never you!" Damon greeted his teeth. Stefan moved closer to me. I was breathing hard and my head was spinning. After all Damon composed himself and made a few steps to the door, but then stopped and turned around.

"Yeah, you want Stefan. Why wouldn't you ask him first if he wants you?" He smirked and nodded a few times like saying 'Go, go, ask'.

"What do you mean?" I looked from him to Stefan. "What is he talking about, Stefan?"

"Why, brother, you didn't tell her? He made me a little lovely present on the day your Meredith got married…"

Stefan's face hardened at the words. "Shut up, Damon. Go away" he hissed.

"But, Stefan, how can I not tell Bonnie?" Damon was clearly enjoying his. He was flashing his brilliant smiles left and right.

I stood confused. What didn't I know? What didn't Stefan tell me? What was that he didn't want Damon to spill out? I thought back to what Damon had said about Meredith's wedding…

"What do I not know?" I all but demanded. Stefan's jaw tightened. Damon smirked at me.

"You see, Bonnie…" he paused to add some more drama to it. "When you and your little friends were all so exited about the great ceremony, Stefan couldn't help but thinkt how to make everybody happy…." He looked at Stefan and shook his head in disapproval. I could tell Stefan was very angry, his nostrils flared. But he didn't try to stop Damon. "So" Damon continued "he decided to make a sacrifice – he left you so I could get you."

I swallowed hard. Was that true? Stefan didn't argue with Damon, he didn't defend himself. He left me? For **Damon**?

Suddenly I felt like I'd been bathed in dirt. And breathing became so very hard task. I looked at Stefan.

"He's telling truth, isn't he?" I asked almost smiling myself. Not that I found it was funny; it was rather a hysterical reaction. "Stefan…" Suddenly Stefan found his voice.

"Yeah? And you?" he glared at Damon. "You wouldn't even be here if I didn't tell you why Elena left me." My shoulders fell and something began to ache in my chest so terribly.

Would Damon come to me if he thought Elena loved him? I thought I knew the answer. More pain in the chest, spreading to my limbs, making my knees weak. I was looking with disbelief at the brothers. They were shouting insults at each other, but I didn't really listen, lost in my own grief.

I was always the stupid one. The brainless one. Now I was getting paid for that. And there was no one to blame except me.

I could've asked questions, I could've cried, screaming 'WHY?". Instead I just took a step back from them. "Just leave me alone." I took another step back. "Just…" I closed my eyes. "I open my eyes and you're gone." I silently counted to five and slowly cracked my eyes open.

They were still there. They stood not moving, staring at me. I swallowed, preparing myself to say something, to yell, maybe.

"No one ever asks me what _**I**_ want. You always seem to know what's best for me. You always try to make my decisions." I saw Damon smirking, probably knowing I was talking mostly to Stefan. "Stop, grinning, you idiot!" I did yelled, "You used me! Like a whore. I am not Elena. I won't go fucking around. And there is _**nothing**_ I want from you." I panted. My eyes watered up and I did nothing to stop tears. "Get out! Leave me the hell alone! Both of you."

I started back to the bathroom, slamming the door behind me. I turned the water on loud, so no one would hear broken sobs that made their way from the depth of my chest.

_Hate you_, I thought silently.


End file.
